I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm not as good as other people are.
I'm sorry that I'm not as patient as other people are.
I'm sorry I can't think the way you do.
I'm sorry for putting you guys in a disappointed mood
I'm sorry what you've expected is not happening.
I'm sorry that I couldn't be what you expect me to be.
I'm sorry that I couldn't see what you're trying to tell me.
I'm sorry I'm not being the best in your eyes.
I'm really sorry to break anyone's heart or hurt anyone of you.

I'm really sorry.......

But still....

Why can't anyone of you see how hard I've been trying my best.?
Why can't my hardwork paid off what I've putting it in.?
Is it because I did not work hard enough.?
Why can't someone there to see through the pain and sadness inside me.?
Is it because I tend to hide my emotions.?
But isn't there always someone that will be able to notice that.?
Why can't that person appear now.?
Why can't I trust anyone to tell my feelings about this.?

No one knows how hard it is. But it's really not their fault.
I didn't tell anyone. They're not me.
Therefore... It's understandable.

But I want to be childish for this once...
Someone there to pat my head and tell me everything's fine and that he/she will be there for me whatever happens.

Someone to notice the pain I've been enduring.
Someone to take me off this hell I'm living in.
Someone to share the sadness because it's overwhelming.
Someone to bother to notice me.
Someone who's willing to care for me.
Someone who will be there for me all the time...

Just someone that will be beside me....


But it's not gonna happen now...
Because each time... I'll just smile....

and just hope that... sooner or later... the sadness would be concealed deep down and never to be found...

Like.... wearing different masks... not revealing the real feelings of one self...

Get Used to it

This will be short and erm.... as usual, emo.

Hahahahha.... Blog is the place where I'll write all the emo stuff here, kay.?
So, sorry if you feel that it's... erm.. depressing.?
It should be. lol. x3

Okay. So...
I have to get used to it.

Being compared to my both brothers.

1) They're results are goooooood. As in.. really good. haiz.
I dunno. Is it that I didn't study hard enough or is my way of study wrong.
I'm not sure.

2) They're independent. I mean... They don't iron their own clothes like I do. They don't fold their clothes like I do. They don't help mum to wash dishes like I do. They don't help taking in clothes or putting them out to dry like I do. But they always always always seem to be much more independent than me. Some might say because I'm the youngest and all. yeaa... that. heard a lot of times.

Yes. I feel that maybe they really did manja me. But.

I'm the one who have to be the center between mum and dad. Not them.
I'm the one who have to listen to mum's ALL complaints about dad. Not them. And it's ALL the time.
I'm the one who sometimes get blame because I voice out. Not them. Because they're grown up or wat-so-ever.

Each time I complain about my family. I feel damn bad and guilty.
I feel that there's people out there having to face much more worse than me.
I know all of that.
I know that we have to be grateful of what we have.
I am. But still. This is tough.

Haizzzzzz... Sometimes I'd wonder if I'm the one with the problem or them.
Am I being not patient enough.? Or not being more understanding.
I don't know. I won't know.