Invisible Thoughts

So... Here I am again gonna emo about my stuff.

I mentioned before that I have 2 elder brothers. They had a very good results in studies and they are not a bad person. Both of them got different personalities for sure. 

My eldest brother, he's kind. How should I say... not kind but in a way, it's more like, anyone who met him will instantly feel that he's a quiet, obedient boy. He's not a really guy who makes the 1st step. He's more to a shy type. And in his own world, he keeps it himself and show nothing, but his aura gave out something that's not cold but warm... But even though it's warm. It's very far away to reach that warmth of his. We never really chat nor talk nor I look him in the eye.

My 2nd brother, he's a loner, you can say. Last time, he always seems to be in a bad mood. With no emotions in his face but his aura, you could feel coldness. " Do Not Mess With Me " It's like saying that. Opposite from my eldest brother. And in his own technologies world, he also keeps it to himself. It's hard to get close to him with a relationship like mine. Since for long, didn't really chat or talk to him or even look at him in the eye too.

Both of them are smart in their studies since young. Both of them got good results since young. Both of them always get praise being smart to be in the 1st class.

Both of them work hard to achieve what they seemed to achieve now.

Both of them are smart. But in a different way.It's complicated, but it's very easy to tell apart their smartness in my position.

The three of us went to the same primary school. They always get 1st class but I'm always 2nd. Both of them got seriously amazing results for normal student like us. It's not like they are born smart, but they work hard to get that. I know.

So, there's once. My cousin that is married and had a son, was wondering to put his son in which school. They wanted to put him in our ( my brothers and I's primary school ). And he gave a reason like this : " You see dear, (talking to his wife), Aunty sent both of them to that primary school. The eldest went to private school, the other went to government school, but still they end up having the same perfect results. And they're a good boy too. "  

So yeah... I'm left out. Since I was never smart in my studies nor I was enough hard working as them. I can't complain nor I got the rights to complain. 

But here I am here... Telling stuff and all.

Still.... It hurts whenever I get to be compared even though they didn't mean it.

It still hurts to think that I'll never be anywhere close enough with my brothers.

It still hurts to know that we'll never be the same as before.

It still hurts... even though they say time can heal everything.

And how exactly can time heal me.? It's already been like what.? 10 years.?

What I get.? Flashbacks and memories and heartaches...