Actually there's more than one reason that I never drove after I passed my driving test. I just keep making myself believe that's what I've been thinking.
First of all, the advantages of being able to drive by yourself..
1, you can go anywhere you want.
2, you can fetch anyone you want without complaints.
3, it's very convenient.
4, you don't need permission.
5, don't hv to sit public transport.
But all those advantages... brings negative effects...
My family already has communication problems... I don't want to lose mine.
I still want to try to communicate with them, even when they don't give responds.
1, If i can go anywhere I want... I'm afraid one day, when I broke down and can't stand it anymore.. I would just drive to somewhere else... and that would make everyone worry, well, almost everyone. I'm afraid that one day, I would just leave them because I couldn't stand it anymore. I don't wanna leave them, but i know when one starts to lose their control, they do stuff without thinking, I don't want that. Thus, I was afraid.
2, I might fetch someone I'm not suppose to. No more excuses to not fetch anyone anymore.
3, Conveniet yea... no argument to that. LOL.
4, I might forget to get permission from my parents, or forget to let them know where I am. This is the communication thingy. My brothers never told my parents where they went, and I could see them worry sometimes and wanting to know but they never gave a direct answers. I don't want to be like that. But I might forget. I don't want that. To notice them where I'm going, when I'll be back. I want to inform them without them asking me when they're worried. I don't want them to worry abt me when they clearly have lots of things in their mind.
5, I might forget how to be civilize. Like being a good person. Showing ppl the correct way to the station. Letting old people to sit when there's no other places for them to sit down. To smile at strangers like giving a greetings. This world is already too dark, I somehow want to light it up. Even if it's useless, but at least I think I'm doing the right thing.
The reason I always used was my mum... hahahaha...
She doesn't allow me to drive alone and she doesn't want to sit beside me when I'm driving.
So she says I should ask my dad to sit beside me...
AND she doesn't allow me to drive in the dark, at night. PLUS, weekdays my dad is only at home AT NIGHT. So that left Saturday and Sunday... Sunday kinda out cause most of the time we have family gatherings. So that left Saturday, where I might go out with friends ( can't drive alone yet without parents so nope ) , or out with mum ( she doesn't want to sit beside me ), or I wanna watch my anime and read my manga.. ( me being lazy )
But most of all,
Not being able to drive is like a restriction I put on myself... something like a leash, I don't want myself to run away. Heehee... yeaaaa....
Sunday, 14 December 2014
Don't judge a book by its cover
At first I was pissed at my mum for applying girls need to do chores
concept. I know we should always learn about it, still sometimes I'd
feel unfair but I understand... It still doesn't mean I wouldn't feel a
thing. But then you went and complimented me when I did them. And I was
like... "yay, she complimented me" not angry anymore.. haizz...
sometimes, my mum held lots of power over me.
People always think that I don't help around the house. And that my brothers are the helpful ones. Because when everyone's around, my parents treat me like a princess. They don't know I was the one that sweep the house. My mum doesn't really sweeps the floor unless she finds it dirty. The men in the hse don't give a shit. I helped to wash the dishes too, even when they're not mine. I always did help, what abt them.? no they didn't, but everyone looks at them with that eyes that sees them the perfect children that anyone could hv, and me.? an extra in the family. They only wash what is theirs that's it... at least better than not doing... i guess..
Then I iron my own school uniforms when my mum irons for both of my brothers until they graduated. And I iron my own school uniforms until I graduated. I hang my own clothes in my closet. When mum folds their clothes and brings them to their respective rooms. And when they needed clothes, they would search the piles on the sofa and leave, not bothering taking the rest of their own clothes with them.
I helped to take in and hang out the clothes when mum's not around, and even if everyone's at home, my mum only called me for help. I even went to help them wash their clothes when mum went to Korea AND I was having SPM.
It's really unfair that no one sees the work I've done but look at me like a little princess that doesn't do anything at home. And even when I told them, they don't even believe me. Well then, fug u too. They all think that my brothers are much more perfect than me until where sometimes I would even look down at myself.
I helped my mum every time after events in our home, what did everyone else do.? NOTHING. They just go back to their own room. But in the end... what did i get.. nothing. Why.? Because everyone judges a book by its cover.
And my mother... every time people said some offensive things or indicate that on my brothers.. she defends them.. but when it comes to me, she just let them say it...
I don't know whether to cry or not.
People always think that I don't help around the house. And that my brothers are the helpful ones. Because when everyone's around, my parents treat me like a princess. They don't know I was the one that sweep the house. My mum doesn't really sweeps the floor unless she finds it dirty. The men in the hse don't give a shit. I helped to wash the dishes too, even when they're not mine. I always did help, what abt them.? no they didn't, but everyone looks at them with that eyes that sees them the perfect children that anyone could hv, and me.? an extra in the family. They only wash what is theirs that's it... at least better than not doing... i guess..
Then I iron my own school uniforms when my mum irons for both of my brothers until they graduated. And I iron my own school uniforms until I graduated. I hang my own clothes in my closet. When mum folds their clothes and brings them to their respective rooms. And when they needed clothes, they would search the piles on the sofa and leave, not bothering taking the rest of their own clothes with them.
I helped to take in and hang out the clothes when mum's not around, and even if everyone's at home, my mum only called me for help. I even went to help them wash their clothes when mum went to Korea AND I was having SPM.
It's really unfair that no one sees the work I've done but look at me like a little princess that doesn't do anything at home. And even when I told them, they don't even believe me. Well then, fug u too. They all think that my brothers are much more perfect than me until where sometimes I would even look down at myself.
I helped my mum every time after events in our home, what did everyone else do.? NOTHING. They just go back to their own room. But in the end... what did i get.. nothing. Why.? Because everyone judges a book by its cover.
And my mother... every time people said some offensive things or indicate that on my brothers.. she defends them.. but when it comes to me, she just let them say it...
I don't know whether to cry or not.
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