Reasons / Excuses

Actually there's more than one reason that I never drove after I passed my driving test. I just keep making myself believe that's what I've been thinking.

First of all, the advantages of being able to drive by yourself..

1, you can go anywhere you want.
2, you can fetch anyone you want without complaints.
3, it's very convenient.
4, you don't need permission.
5, don't hv to sit public transport.

But all those advantages... brings  negative effects...

My family already has communication problems... I don't want to lose mine.
I still want to try to communicate with them, even when they don't give responds.

1, If i can go anywhere I want... I'm afraid one day, when I broke down and can't stand it anymore.. I would just drive to somewhere else... and that would make everyone worry, well, almost everyone. I'm afraid that one day, I would just leave them because I couldn't stand it anymore. I don't wanna leave them, but i know when one starts to lose their control, they do stuff without thinking, I don't want that. Thus, I was afraid.

2, I might fetch someone I'm not suppose to. No more excuses to not fetch anyone anymore.

3, Conveniet yea... no argument to that. LOL.

4, I might forget to get permission from my parents, or forget to let them know where I am. This is the communication thingy. My brothers never told my parents where they went, and I could see them worry sometimes and wanting to know but they never gave a direct answers. I don't want to be like that. But I might forget. I don't want that. To notice them where I'm going, when I'll be back. I want to inform them without them asking me when they're worried. I don't want them to worry abt me when they clearly have lots of things in their mind.

5, I might forget how to be civilize. Like being a good person. Showing ppl the correct way to the station. Letting old people to sit when there's no other places for them to sit down. To smile at strangers like giving a greetings. This world is already too dark, I somehow want to light it up. Even if it's useless, but at least I think I'm doing the right thing.

The reason I always used was my mum... hahahaha...
She doesn't allow me to drive alone and she doesn't want to sit beside me when I'm driving.
So she says I should ask my dad to sit beside me...
AND she doesn't allow me to drive in the dark, at night. PLUS, weekdays my dad is only at home AT NIGHT. So that left Saturday and Sunday... Sunday kinda out cause most of the time we have family gatherings. So that left Saturday, where I might go out with friends ( can't drive alone yet without parents so nope ) , or out with mum ( she doesn't want to sit beside me ), or I wanna watch my anime and read my manga.. ( me being lazy )

But most of all,
Not being able to drive is like a restriction I put on myself... something like a leash, I don't want myself to run away. Heehee... yeaaaa....