Crush

So~ My friends... All tease me about the guys that MAYBE liked me or some which confessed to me before...

But... every time after that teasing... I'll think of the one that I once like. Had a crush on him for like 3 years, until standard 6 only confessed to him.
Hahahaha.. Got reject though...

Karma.? Maybe.? Cause before that... Turned down lots of confession from other boys. Haaa... It's last year already, not surprised.

Now, it's either I want to find someone to be with me to ease the loneliness or... I'd really fallen for him. hahahaha.. Afraid though... To find out which is which.. Scared to be hurt like last time... Seriously.. afraid to be reject again.. That feeling... It hurts.... Really really hurts...

So... For now... I'll just live my life... without any relationships... If he, would approached me again. Maybe this time, I'll try, to be with him.

But life isn't a fairy tale. Nothing like that from my imagination will come true even how much one prays it to come true.

So... Face the reality and live my life. Forget those us teenagers shouldn't worry about and get on with our lives.

What have I done?
I wish I could run away from this ship goin' under
Just tryin' to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders
What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep makin' a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right?
To get it right
Can I start again?
With my faith shaken, 'cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser, I'll get through this
What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep makin' a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right?
So I throw up my fist, throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
I'll send out a wish and I'll send up a prayer
And finally someone will see how much I care
What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down?
Oh, my best intentions keep makin' a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take to get it right?
To get it right

Mother with children

Dear mum, u aren't home yet. Guess that should be a normal thing. U would always go out with ur frenz till late night. And ruin our plan. Yeahhhh,  congrats.

So... I find that ny mum definitely love children. She treat other children better than her own children.

Last time when my 2nd bro didn't do something, mum took his ps 2 memory card as a punishment. And when I didn't do my homework, she would not let me sleep till I finish it.

Then Joshua, my cousin who is in primary sch, he's naughty, lazy and playful.  That day he didn't finish his homework and his mum juz scold him, juz scold only. Then my mum will go near him and pampered him. Stupid. Urggggh. If he's a good kid, I dun mind. But wad the hell.?! A kid like him u also can treat so well why not to ur children. ?!?!

Many many more examples can be given but my hands are tired... -.- and I wanna sleep. That's all then.

Blood Test

So... As the title said, it's about a blood test. My friends and I went to do a blood test for the Hepatitis B... It's held in the school.

Asked my mum's permission and the RM 16, wanted to go on Thursday, but my friends totally forgot about it... So we went on Friday.

After the Islam thingy program, we went to the Bilik Kesihatan, but it's full with people, so we went back to our class and wait for them to call us.

Finally, it's our turn. I'm not afraid at 1st, cause I've gotten injection lots of times. 3 times when I'm younger : On the Hand, on the arm, on the butt. Twice in primary school : Both on arm, but different injection. Once in Secondary School, for the jaw thingy... This would be the 1st time getting my blood to be taken. xDD Kinda cool... in a way. Was a LITTLE bit excited, but because of the influence of both my friends, RH and JL, they made me feel scared.

Okay~ So among us 3, I'm the 1st 1 to go. Was calm and the nurse took my blood. A male friend of mine saw how calm I am and was shocked and said : Whoahh ~ You're so calm... I was like >>> =.=''
Okay.?

After that, went outside to wait for my friend, played with my arm a bit. As you know the blood won't dry that fast, so I went to take off the cotton and bent my elbow, the blood squirt out. xD
nyahahaha.. it looks kinda cool. I tried demonstrating it to the other male friends outside, but the blood stop squirting out. =w=''

Stayed with them for a while, only a SHORT while, I felt dizzy and wanted to go to the bench and sit down to rest. When I was walking over there, my head was spinning. SERIOUSLY, DIZZY.

Was quiet all the while, I thought : Let me rest for a while, maybe it'll be better. But I was wrong... As I sat there longer, I became more uncomfortable... My eyes were starting to become blur-er and blur-er... with very bright light, plus my head is freaking dizzy, my ears were starting to unable to hear, something like there's water blocking inside of your ears, plus, my body felt numb. Was suddenly sweating a lot and a lot with cold sweat, and I was finding it hard to breathe.

While it's happening, I thought I was either gonna to faint or die. Haaaa... cause when the nurse took my blood, she pulled the syringe and push back a little of my blood back. -.- so yea, I thought there's air bubbles in the blood she pushed back.

So, if it turns out I'll die, I panicked at 1st when I thought I'm gonna die, but then something strike my mind that, dying here right now, didn't mean anything to me. Weird right.? Usually, people will be afraid to die at this age cause they find there's so much more things they haven't accomplished. But for me, I don't know why I felt, even if I die, it won't be that much big of a deal. The stuff I want to accomplished won't happen anyway, I'm not being pessimistic, I'm just being realistic.

And, if it turns out I'll faint, I know they'll definitely call my parents. And the 1st who will freak out will be my mom. My mum is a klutz when she panicked. I won't wanna trouble anyone. Everyone I know will keep on asking How Am I... if I woke up. Everyone will try to care, I know it's good but, the way they look at me isn't caring at all... It's fear. They fear. So, I force myself to stay conscious.

I tried to talk, was staying quiet all the while cause I have no energy, I asked my friend to call the chinese nurse for assistance. She told me to sit on a sofa with a lower posture and asked my friend to find sweet for me to eat. Sat there quite a long time. Both of my friends, RH and JL was so worried. I can't help but to be more healthier.? even a little bit, that can help lifting their worries, I hope.

Then, 2 male classmates of mine came. They accompany us chatting and talking, that was nice. Class reunion should be something like this, talking about everything without any groups. Hahaha, JL even ask them to piggy-back carry me, but they suggest to princess-carry me ( -.- )  to our classroom cause I seriously can't move. I felt much more better that time, it's just that the head is still dizzy and my body is like paralyzed. Other than my primary male best friend, they are the sweetest male friend ever. They are there accompanying us, that's very sweet. Because you can't find very less friends that are not your BEST friend, to be by your side when you're not feeling well.


 Actually, I did not plan to tell my mum that I almost fainted cause I don't want her to be worried. But JL... =.='' told her. At 1st she didn't believe, after dropping JL and her sister down. Only I told her it's true. I really, seriously, thought that she'll be worried. But instead, she thought I was afraid of blood. She thought I almost faint was because of a stupid drop of blood where everybody has in them, and not because my body is actually stupidly weak and I didn't eat anything.

Well... Told myself again and again and again and again not to have hopes on family relationships. I did, not having high hopes on anything but every time when it comes to something like this, I'll have that hope that won't exist and made me fall harder each and every time.

As what the picture said. Once upon a time. Where it still seems good, but never perfect.

Childhood friends.

I remember saying my 4 male childhood friends behind my hse.?
That was a really memorable days. Bc, when I'm young, my time at home is extremely less. Plus, I'm not that close with my brothers... so, they are the only friends I could play with when I'm stuck at home. They are fun and they take care of me. Now it reminds me that, they felt like brothers to me. Except for the younger ones. They find me to ply with, elders take care of me. It was nice until my family shifted.

I missed them. I don't even recognized them. I can't even remember their faces... but I missed them.

Primary, I said once my best friend, fell in love with the same guy as me. And our relationship became distant.

There's another girl too. She's a rich girl. She's actually from the 1st class. But in standard 5, she went to out class, the 2nd class. It was awkward for her bc 2nd class n 1st class are like rivals. Both class didn't get along. Even in canteen, each table has their own class. Except for other classes. But slowly, she came to me and we got along very well. When it was her bday, she even invited our whole class to go. Her hse was a bungalow, there's swimming pool there. I got pushed down by the water N-times till I decided to juz stay in the water. When it's getting late, she took me into the toilet acting as if we're using it to bluff her little twin sisters. She wants me to stay over at her hse. I wan too of course, but my mum. So yeaaaa.

After that year, she went back to 1st class edi. And she never talked to me anymore. It's kinda sad. But Yeahhhh.  Life.

Me, Myself and I

I look like a nerd. I look like a good girl. I look like normal girls which likes barbie dolls. I look like a girl who doesn't do sports. I look like an indoor type girl.

But... actually... no one knows.

Since young, I've been playing with my behind neighbours. 4 boys. Almost every night or evening, we'll play together.  I'm a tomboy.

Since primary school, I've participated in running and basketball tournaments in school only. Running win all the time. But sadly basketball nope. Only got 2nd and 3rd place. I'm actually active in sports.

Primary school, I've learned ballad until grade 2. All my exams are distinction.  Performed once in mid valley.

Secondary school, I've learned hip hop dances. Performed once in mid valley too. Danced with a boy before too. Too bad the studio lost the video of it. TT.TT

I like basketball a lot. I like dancing a lot too. But sadly. I don't have that much stamina. I get very easily tired and I find it hard to breathe and then, I'll feel super headache.  So that's why I stopped being so active in sports.

It only started since I'm standard 6. So that's why my secondary fren look down on my sports' side.

Haizzzz. Haizzzzz. Too bad. They can't see the active me. Too bad.