I couldn't~

I couldn't exactly just cry in front of them and expect them to make everything feels right.

I couldn't just go upfront and say I'm sick of this living style and make everyone change.

Because that would be unfair to everyone of them. We did everything we could to be accustomed to it, to get used to this. What makes me that they should change?

I couldn't say I want them to stop being distant, because it's their love life and it's they way of living who I am to voice it out. It wouldn't be fair towards them to pretend for the sake of myself.

I couldn't ask them to look and me or even give me a pat on my head and say I'm glad to have you around. Because you can't force someone that doesn't feel that way to do it. Even though I'm glad to have you guys.

I couldn't break down now and complain every single thing because I've been through so far, why should I give up now.

I couldn't tell her to stop what's she doing because it's her happiness she's finding and I shouldn't interfere.

I couldn't tell him he's not doing anything to help because I don't know his thoughts and background.

I couldn't tell them I wanted to be closer to them just because I selfishly wanted to.

I'm selfish, I want things to be my way. I want things to go accordingly to the way I plan.

But I understand not everyone has it good like me. I know there are people with worse circumstances than me. I should appreciate what I have now.

Phew~ always better when everything is let out. Even though I still don't really know how to express through writing.