Alive but dead inside

Hmmm~ It's been more than a year since I've updated this.
hahahahahhaa
And as usual... it just might be the depressing shit hole of mine.
A place where my dark side roams around I guess...

It's not that I haven't been updating means things have gotten better...
x'D But I think it's really the opposite.
I couldn't find time to even update in here.
Usually write stuff in the diary until slowly...  I even gave up writing in the diary.

I was in a dilemma. hahahaha.
writing about all these... a part of me wants people to know, the other part I want to keep this all a secret. A secret no one should know. A secret for myself to keep.
A place where no one knows about me.
But I guess it'll be pretty lonely living like that.
Might as well find someone to accompany me. HAHAHAHAHA
WOOOTS

It has been a long ride.
Hahahaa. Ups and downs.... as per usual...
Same old same old. Have fun. Feel alone. Depressed. Cry. Enjoy life. Try to enjoy life. Advise myself to enjoy and let go. Depressed. Cry. Alone. Have fun. and the cycle repeats itself automatically.

I have no idea what I'm depressed about.
I have no idea why do i feel that way.

I just want to cry and everything just feels so empty inside.
Alive but dead inside, you know?
That feeling when you're content with everything, but somehow you just want to... let everything go you know? Give up.

It's busy for school.
It's busy for intern.
All those on-going and over.

What's wrong.
I don't know.

How are you?
I'm fine.

Are you ok?
I'm just tired.

Are you sure?
Sure (no I'm not)

Why don't you tell anyone?
(What's there a need to tell. i don't even know what's wrong)

Why do you keep keeping everything inside ?
(Who else should I keep turn to every time this happens)

Why don't you lean on me?
(Because I'm scared)

There's nothing to be afraid of.
(How do you know, what if i get hurt again, I wouldn't be able to take it)

You shouldn't be afraid to take a step forward.
(I once was fearless and took a step, but I ended up falling off a cliff)

Ahhh... I'm tired.