This would be the last one...
I'm kinda rushing this cause my college gonna start soon.
haish. troublesome...
So here it goes...
My mum,
Hahahaha.. It's funny how we understand each other and get to back each other up. It's like we understand each other's thoughts and know when to do what and not. And we always get to finish our sentences for each other and we think of the same thing at the same time.. We even speak out the same thing at the same time.. If I would to play Jinx game with you.. It's be like more than 5 times a day. xD
You don't know how to comfort me. Like wise, maybe that's why I dunno how to comfort other people too.. -.- Last time, when I cried in front of u, u never do anything or say anything and said that I'm a crybaby.. =.= So I guess the only time now I'd cry in front of u is when I'm watching sad movies or something.
You always appreciate your friends so much that I... well nvm.
Thank you for being like a friend to me. Even though you boom me occasionally even when it's not my fault. And even though u like to put blame on me and nag me so much when you don't do that to brothers. Thank you for teaching me LIFE. I love you~ hahaha.. thanks for everything. I love you a lot ya. xD sakaiii.
My nanny,
Thank you for taking care of me since I'm an infant. Thank you for your patience and love. Thank you for showing me how to keep on going and stay strong. Thanks for the first person ever to know that I'm not that strong as I look. Thanks for everything, mama. I love you a lot. I want to hug you so hard you won't forget about me ever. I'm glad I still get to visit you once in a while and when someone came by, you would proudly introduce me , saying in cantonese " this is the girl who i took care of when she's a baby and now she's studying college. " Thank you so much. I love your meal even if it's not much. I love you lots.
My brotherS,
thank you for giving me monthly expenses. 2nd bro, thank you for treating mummy and I meals. Big bro, thank you for even talking to me. I really miss the old times where you guys play games and I would watch besides you guys. And u guys would give comments and I'd replied happily.
My dad,
well... you're annoying and irritating. I've been meet someone who can annoyed this much. Thank you for taking care of me and giving us a shelter to live in. I know you manja me the most. I don't why you like to purposely irritate me and I'd just boom you. But I kinda pity you. hahahaha.. sad case for u little dude. since you not only irritates me but everyone as well. And probably got to do with ur arrogant attitude of yours. I sympathize you sometimes and I would be gentle to u. But nooooo, you would like to step over the boundary and pissed me off. But thank you for everything.
Nurul,
You're one screwed up friend I ever made. You're also the longest friends I ever made which we do not even go to the same school even once. I know you since I'm standard one and you're standard two. We got lots of funny, weird and random memories.. But I'm glad I get to know you. You're a good friend if I look closely enough. Thank you for being my friend.
My yiyi[s] and aunty :
Eldest yiyi,
Thank you for treating me meals and giving me new clothes. Many says that I looked like you and you're like a "kai ma" to me. Heehee....
Second yiyi,
Thank you for trying to chat up with me about random stuff even though it's awkward sometimes talking to you.. I don't know whyyyy.
Youngest yiyi,
HAHAHAHA.. you random yiyi. You're super fun to be around with. You should be grateful that I'm around when you're that super drunk. Cause I'm the only who's not panic and annoyed taking care of you. It's always fun when you're around. But some people may not like your attitude though. Heehee
Aunty, my mum's little bro's wife,
Thank you for your wonderful meals. Your cooking is awesome.. LIKE SUPER AWESOME. I don't think my friends will believe how much I eat when I was staying at your hse for one week. And thank you for that. Being a driver and giving me a temporary place to stay which is near my college. Heehee.. Thanks~
Saturday 27 September 2014
Friday 26 September 2014
Appreciation ~4~
College time peeps...
First of all... of course my beloved classmates which consist of only 4 people in the begining...
But somehow became 3 people in the second semester...
We were once called " The Fantastic Four " then we became " The Legendary Sanin ".
My class rep, J.L.W.J... which decide to leave us to another college~
You're not a very gentlemen to me. But you're very fun to be around with.
It's always funny and exciting to be around you because you crack up jokes and stuff.
You're like the joker in our class... You're more like a little brother to me than an elder brother.
You're cheeky and naughty... haishhh and childish. hahahaha
But thank you for making it always fun and look forward to class.
My assistant class rep, C.S.M...
You're smart and kind. You have the patience of a... cloud.? I dunno. You don't get mad easily and you take care of everyone like they're a family to you. And you treat me like a little sister you never had and I'm very happy and touch about that. You would call me "little sis" now and then even and that's very thoughtful. You would say " yo, nii-san's here " to me and that's really really touching.
Thank you so much for taking care of us. You're the best.
My friend, E.M...
You seem like the quiet type of guy... But when you start talking about stuff you're interested in, you won't stop talking. And you're someone that isn't that mentally strong so I hope you get through it one day with a strong mind. It's awkward if I'm left being alone with you, I don't know why.. probably cause we don't talk much. You like to tease me -.- which is kinda annoying.. but then you'd treat me like a little sister... but the kind that find little sister is annoying.. =w=
Then~ the coursemates... we share classes together on some subjects.
Girls first ya,
Mariam,
Thank you in trying to break the awkwardness around me and the girls and tried to make me feel comfortable around you girls.Thanks for making conversation for me so that I have chance to voice out. Thank you for chatting with me. I admire how you're always helping out your friends despite what it is. Like a heroine. (Y) Heehee.
Y.C.C,
I'm not sure it's you or A.K.P.M, that the first question you girls ever asked me is " do you like yaoi.? " Hahahahaha.. You're very blur and slow. But I like it, cause it's super weird and funny and cute. It's interesting. It's fun chatting with you too especially when we're bullying Jay jay. xD U don't treat me like an outsider and always try to be honest. Thank you. =)
A.K.P.M,
Thank you for thinking about me every time you girls plan an outing or something.. and inviting me to join in your selfies... It's very thoughtful. Thank you~~ <3
T.Y.Y.,
First person that I met in class. And we found out that we want to study the same thing in degree.
Had a lot of fun chatting with you because you're very straight forward and a lot of stories to tell.
It makes it really easy to talk to you. Thanks.
M.W.Y,
I didn't really get to talk to u but I admire how u are in taekwando black belt. When I first found out, I was so shock and unable to believe it. Heehee... Sorry... You like to read novels too and your voice is cute. hahahaha...
C.Y.L.,
Went to karaoke with you before and found out that you like to dance a lot.
I admire how you're so determine in improving your English and work so hard.
I feel like a loser there. But at the moment, I felt proud too. No idea why.. but... thanks for doing that so that I won't be boastful about myself.
Guys' turn~
Jayson,
Wahahahahaa... thank you so much for chatting with me all the time about anime and games and stuff. It means a lot.. because not many ppl I can share about anime with. So it's a great pleasure in chatting with you about Japanese stuff. Thanks for helping me out too, I know you watch out for me. Hahahaha. Thanks.!
Winson,
Another anime friend~ x3 But too bad you left our college and went to another. Eishhh..
We chatted a lot and I found out about you and your stuff and your beliefs.
Thank you in believing in me and willing to talk to me about it.
It's also very fun when we combo attack in teasing Jayson. Hahahaha...
L.C.L,
Thank you for finding me and chat about your stuff... Even though it's not much.
But you take some of your time and chat with me about stuff. =D thank you~
F.Y,
thank you for being my driver... hahaha.. so that i don't have to sit in the trains like a sorpo. xD
Joshua,
thanks for willing to chat with me about random stuff and include me in your conversations. =)
T.Z.W,
Thanks for lending me your tutorial and teaching me stuff.. xD
First of all... of course my beloved classmates which consist of only 4 people in the begining...
But somehow became 3 people in the second semester...
We were once called " The Fantastic Four " then we became " The Legendary Sanin ".
My class rep, J.L.W.J... which decide to leave us to another college~
You're not a very gentlemen to me. But you're very fun to be around with.
It's always funny and exciting to be around you because you crack up jokes and stuff.
You're like the joker in our class... You're more like a little brother to me than an elder brother.
You're cheeky and naughty... haishhh and childish. hahahaha
But thank you for making it always fun and look forward to class.
My assistant class rep, C.S.M...
You're smart and kind. You have the patience of a... cloud.? I dunno. You don't get mad easily and you take care of everyone like they're a family to you. And you treat me like a little sister you never had and I'm very happy and touch about that. You would call me "little sis" now and then even and that's very thoughtful. You would say " yo, nii-san's here " to me and that's really really touching.
Thank you so much for taking care of us. You're the best.
My friend, E.M...
You seem like the quiet type of guy... But when you start talking about stuff you're interested in, you won't stop talking. And you're someone that isn't that mentally strong so I hope you get through it one day with a strong mind. It's awkward if I'm left being alone with you, I don't know why.. probably cause we don't talk much. You like to tease me -.- which is kinda annoying.. but then you'd treat me like a little sister... but the kind that find little sister is annoying.. =w=
Then~ the coursemates... we share classes together on some subjects.
Girls first ya,
Mariam,
Thank you in trying to break the awkwardness around me and the girls and tried to make me feel comfortable around you girls.Thanks for making conversation for me so that I have chance to voice out. Thank you for chatting with me. I admire how you're always helping out your friends despite what it is. Like a heroine. (Y) Heehee.
Y.C.C,
I'm not sure it's you or A.K.P.M, that the first question you girls ever asked me is " do you like yaoi.? " Hahahahaha.. You're very blur and slow. But I like it, cause it's super weird and funny and cute. It's interesting. It's fun chatting with you too especially when we're bullying Jay jay. xD U don't treat me like an outsider and always try to be honest. Thank you. =)
A.K.P.M,
Thank you for thinking about me every time you girls plan an outing or something.. and inviting me to join in your selfies... It's very thoughtful. Thank you~~ <3
T.Y.Y.,
First person that I met in class. And we found out that we want to study the same thing in degree.
Had a lot of fun chatting with you because you're very straight forward and a lot of stories to tell.
It makes it really easy to talk to you. Thanks.
M.W.Y,
I didn't really get to talk to u but I admire how u are in taekwando black belt. When I first found out, I was so shock and unable to believe it. Heehee... Sorry... You like to read novels too and your voice is cute. hahahaha...
C.Y.L.,
Went to karaoke with you before and found out that you like to dance a lot.
I admire how you're so determine in improving your English and work so hard.
I feel like a loser there. But at the moment, I felt proud too. No idea why.. but... thanks for doing that so that I won't be boastful about myself.
Guys' turn~
Jayson,
Wahahahahaa... thank you so much for chatting with me all the time about anime and games and stuff. It means a lot.. because not many ppl I can share about anime with. So it's a great pleasure in chatting with you about Japanese stuff. Thanks for helping me out too, I know you watch out for me. Hahahaha. Thanks.!
Winson,
Another anime friend~ x3 But too bad you left our college and went to another. Eishhh..
We chatted a lot and I found out about you and your stuff and your beliefs.
Thank you in believing in me and willing to talk to me about it.
It's also very fun when we combo attack in teasing Jayson. Hahahaha...
L.C.L,
Thank you for finding me and chat about your stuff... Even though it's not much.
But you take some of your time and chat with me about stuff. =D thank you~
F.Y,
thank you for being my driver... hahaha.. so that i don't have to sit in the trains like a sorpo. xD
Joshua,
thanks for willing to chat with me about random stuff and include me in your conversations. =)
T.Z.W,
Thanks for lending me your tutorial and teaching me stuff.. xD
Appreciation ~3~ part 2
To continue...
I just wanted to separate family-like friends and normal friends ( close, hi-bye etc )
Wow... once I separate them.. It's like I'm super biased.. xD HAHAHAH
wtfff.. I sound so bitchy.. but whatever.. it's my blog..
Just Listen, Read and Pay Attention. xP *blek*
Hahahaha.. Yo, I.Y.Y.L.
The first ever guy friend that I called and then cried. xD HAHAHAHAHA...
Ok.. this is embarrassing... Thanks for always listening to me and giving me encouragement words.
Thanks for trying to cheer me up and understands me. It meant a lot.
A..hahahahaaaa... I bet you freaked out when I asked if you mind I called even if I'm crying.
You said you don't but I do. So I thought I'd cried my heart out and went to bath, I would feel much better. But apparently I was so wrong... because once I called you and started " I'm sorry I'd call you because my friends are busy and ----- " I broke down and cry and sobs and cry and sobs and explained. Hahahaha.. FIRST TIME EVER WEIH. Damn embarrassing.. Really.... Thanks for listening to me all the time. I really appreciate it. Once again, thanks for being there for me when I'm broken, thanks for chatting random stuff with me and thanks for encouraging me and understanding.
Next~ x3 C.S.W
Hahahahaaha... Funny dude... any topics and jump in when talking to you. Our topic won't end. xD
Thanks for always being so cheerful and willing to chat with me. Listens to my problem and being the funny and open guy. xD
thanks L.S.Y ,
to know what to say and always teasing each other. It's fun hanging around with you. <3
thanks L.Y.T ,
always smile when meeting me and being a gentle and kind girl to me. I'm glad to meet you <3
thanks W.W.Y,
always there for me to hug and for me to pamper like a little sister I don't have. And always being cheeky and helping me out in teasing JL.
Then~ S.A.B.S.
First malay male friend I ever made and you're mixed. xD
hahahaha.. It's been a great pleasure and fun to be your neighbor seat because it's fun to have you around. I'm sorry for always accidentally speaking to you in chinese because you look more like chinese.. x'D Thank you for making staying in class not that bored but always fun and exciting.
C.S.H,
I don't know why I admire you a lot. xD I like to call you jie jie since you're one day older than me. Heehee... I kinda looked up to you... so thanks for being there. =) it's fun chatting with you heehee.
Special thanks to Mango, T.Y.L and Y.Z.F,
for making during exam period a fun time for me. for relaxing me in exam because I'm always super nervous during examination. and thank you for making me laugh all the time. You guys rock. x)
Lastly, Y.S.K
Thanks for being a great friend. I really like you and hope we still get along well like last time.
I miss you~ Long time didn't go out together edi and long time didn't go crash your hse edi.
You have no idea how much you meant to be. x3 I really hope we still get along~
I just wanted to separate family-like friends and normal friends ( close, hi-bye etc )
Wow... once I separate them.. It's like I'm super biased.. xD HAHAHAH
wtfff.. I sound so bitchy.. but whatever.. it's my blog..
Just Listen, Read and Pay Attention. xP *blek*
The first ever guy friend that I called and then cried. xD HAHAHAHAHA...
Ok.. this is embarrassing... Thanks for always listening to me and giving me encouragement words.
Thanks for trying to cheer me up and understands me. It meant a lot.
A..hahahahaaaa... I bet you freaked out when I asked if you mind I called even if I'm crying.
You said you don't but I do. So I thought I'd cried my heart out and went to bath, I would feel much better. But apparently I was so wrong... because once I called you and started " I'm sorry I'd call you because my friends are busy and ----- " I broke down and cry and sobs and cry and sobs and explained. Hahahaha.. FIRST TIME EVER WEIH. Damn embarrassing.. Really.... Thanks for listening to me all the time. I really appreciate it. Once again, thanks for being there for me when I'm broken, thanks for chatting random stuff with me and thanks for encouraging me and understanding.
Next~ x3 C.S.W
Hahahahaaha... Funny dude... any topics and jump in when talking to you. Our topic won't end. xD
Thanks for always being so cheerful and willing to chat with me. Listens to my problem and being the funny and open guy. xD
thanks L.S.Y ,
to know what to say and always teasing each other. It's fun hanging around with you. <3
thanks L.Y.T ,
always smile when meeting me and being a gentle and kind girl to me. I'm glad to meet you <3
thanks W.W.Y,
always there for me to hug and for me to pamper like a little sister I don't have. And always being cheeky and helping me out in teasing JL.
Then~ S.A.B.S.
First malay male friend I ever made and you're mixed. xD
hahahaha.. It's been a great pleasure and fun to be your neighbor seat because it's fun to have you around. I'm sorry for always accidentally speaking to you in chinese because you look more like chinese.. x'D Thank you for making staying in class not that bored but always fun and exciting.
C.S.H,
I don't know why I admire you a lot. xD I like to call you jie jie since you're one day older than me. Heehee... I kinda looked up to you... so thanks for being there. =) it's fun chatting with you heehee.
Special thanks to Mango, T.Y.L and Y.Z.F,
for making during exam period a fun time for me. for relaxing me in exam because I'm always super nervous during examination. and thank you for making me laugh all the time. You guys rock. x)
Lastly, Y.S.K
Thanks for being a great friend. I really like you and hope we still get along well like last time.
I miss you~ Long time didn't go out together edi and long time didn't go crash your hse edi.
You have no idea how much you meant to be. x3 I really hope we still get along~
Appreciation ~3~ part 1
Kindergarten times done~
Primary school times done~
Now it's Secondary school~ Hahahahaha.. awkward~~~
So of course... I'm writing Pudding first... *scratches the back of my head*
This is troublesome.... So erm.. you guys. Just read then can edi.
Don't give me looks or something... -w-
First off, surely it's L.T.J...
Erm.. so her size is like a chibi size and since she's a Libra.. there you go. We were in the same class in form 1 and it was during PJK period that I noticed her cause everyone ( chinese girl gang ) are commenting on her. Then I was like.. " Wowwww, she's really good in sports. " and my eyes kind of sparkle with admiration... -.- I bet she's gonna be so cocky right now reading this. But then I got to know her, yea she's good, but the thing is.. She is SUPER mcc.. Until I seriously have no comment on how mcc she was. IS. She still is. At first, she was really really not good with guys. I mean, every time a guy that oppose what she's saying she'll get super competitive. It's like each guy walks pass by she'll give a killer glare look " YOU DESPISE ME "... I didn't really care that much since... O.O huh.. I dunno. There's one time, she slapped a guy with a book with a super fast reflex to help me. Hahahaa... I was super stunned and shocked... and just mind went blank for a while. Well, she's the first to know all my stuff. I'm glad I met you. =) You're awesome. Just don't get too cocky with the compliments and wag your tail too much. She's been there for me the longest time I think. She's also the first who understands most of what I'm doing or thinking I guess.. Which sometimes is kind of irritating because I'm not used to it. But well, Thank you. <3 Lao po.
Next~ my beloved H.R.Y
Just in case you didn't notice, the anime girl is wearing a jacket that symbolizes Aries... in my opinion. so your argument is invalid. I've always wanted to be a close friend with you since the day I know you. But that time, I'm still not used to be a "zhu dong" type... I'm still kind of in my own shell and comfort zone. So I guess that's why we were not that close yet. But still, I tried. I invite you to do stuff together.. I hope that didn't kinda tear you apart from your that current friends. Then slowly, I've been learning to be more outgoing, more "talkative" and spend more time with you. BUT then... there's a time where I gave up. Cause, heehee... you're too cold for me and it kinda hurts. So I kinda backed down. Then I was alone, which I'm ok with, chill don't feel guilty lol.. really don't. Cause that gave me some time to chill. But then I'm glad it work out well hahaha... Yaaaayyyy. Thanks for always being patient with me... hahahahaaaaa.. Met you in form 1, know you in form 2, close to you in form 3 at the back of the year. xD Loveeeee youuuu, muakx muackx. Thank you, Lao gong <3
Then~ it would be you J.Y.M.H.
No idea why I choose this pic for you. I tried searching Libra guys.. but I dunno.. this came out and I just choose this pic for you... HEEHEE... Ok... So met you in form 2, know you in form 3 and close to you in form 4. xP In form 2 you're a gambler in the class.. HAHAHAHA... I think Flame's the one that made us met each other. Know you in form 3... urghhh.. that year... you're so freaking annoying. Keep making me look behind so you can talk to me.. Sometimes I even got lazy to turn around and just ask you to speak, I'll listen. But noooooo, you have to wait until I turn to you only u can talk if not you'd keep calling my name for no apparent reason. BUT, heehee because of that, I get to boom you. So it's fair I guess.. Anger release for me I guess, hahahahaa.... You always think up something stupid but ridiculously funny that make me cracked up.. So thank you~~ x3 and listen to my complains I guess.. xD urgh, i still remember that pmr message. dammit. you sneaky bastard.
Last but not least~ C.Y.Y
Nahhhh... Pisces for you.
Well.. to be honest, I don't really like you the first time we met. HAHAHAHA...
cause you just came right in and steal RH from me. That's a secret short code for my blog. But I think you should be able to know who it is. Heehee. Then slowly slowly I accept you in our circle..
Hahahaha.. I guess it's like a pride or somthing... An alpha female pride. HAHAHAHA...
joking joking.Glad to have you around to cheer up and keep RH accompany because she needs it more than she thinks she do. I have to say it's nice watching you guys argue and tease each other. That warmth feeling... yeappp. Thanks for helping me eat finish my food in school, cause I really don't like wasting food, but I just somehow cannot finish it and I'd get irritated with myself and all. Thanks for being the always cheerful one in the gang even though you like to complain a lot. Thank you, bao bei <3 muackx~
Then the special extra... hahahahaha...
you were once in our gang but then you decided you couldn't stay anymore, Flame.
I was wondering if i should use flame or your initials... but then i guess it'll end up the same cause everyone knows it anyways... so yeaaaa. xD Flame. Got used to it since last time your id all put that name. Well.. I have to say. You're a very very very good friend that I could find. You've always keep me accompany. You don't mind me boom-ing you, I'm guessing that cause you always find reasons to irritate me. You would stand by my side when I'm angry, you'd try to talk to me or cheer me up. But then others won't because apparently I looked scary.. heehee. You would accompany when I'm alone and you would ask questions meaning you'd care for me. You helped me in training me in games and you listen to my anime crap talks and so on... Really, you're a very good friend. But then things change because you confessed. Seriously, I was pissed. You asked if we could be friends again and of course I don't mind. But apparently you do, I know it's hard because I got rejected before I know how it feels. But come on. You son of a.... You distance yourself and I understand, I let you, I didn't question you cause i thought u needed a break, a time off not being around me. It was Ok until everyone starts to bug me about it and the rumours did not help at all. And then you have your ULBS on THIS. Which make me even more pissed, but *sigh* you're not wrong. I know that. That's how you feel and that's how you express yourself. I'm glad that now, you'd still find me to hang out and chat even if it's just once in a lonnnnngggggg while. Thank you for always being my side that time.
Primary school times done~
Now it's Secondary school~ Hahahahaha.. awkward~~~
This is troublesome.... So erm.. you guys. Just read then can edi.
Don't give me looks or something... -w-
First off, surely it's L.T.J...
Next~ my beloved H.R.Y
Then~ it would be you J.Y.M.H.
Last but not least~ C.Y.Y
Well.. to be honest, I don't really like you the first time we met. HAHAHAHA...
cause you just came right in and steal RH from me. That's a secret short code for my blog. But I think you should be able to know who it is. Heehee. Then slowly slowly I accept you in our circle..
Hahahaha.. I guess it's like a pride or somthing... An alpha female pride. HAHAHAHA...
joking joking.Glad to have you around to cheer up and keep RH accompany because she needs it more than she thinks she do. I have to say it's nice watching you guys argue and tease each other. That warmth feeling... yeappp. Thanks for helping me eat finish my food in school, cause I really don't like wasting food, but I just somehow cannot finish it and I'd get irritated with myself and all. Thanks for being the always cheerful one in the gang even though you like to complain a lot. Thank you, bao bei <3 muackx~
Then the special extra... hahahahaha...
you were once in our gang but then you decided you couldn't stay anymore, Flame.
I was wondering if i should use flame or your initials... but then i guess it'll end up the same cause everyone knows it anyways... so yeaaaa. xD Flame. Got used to it since last time your id all put that name. Well.. I have to say. You're a very very very good friend that I could find. You've always keep me accompany. You don't mind me boom-ing you, I'm guessing that cause you always find reasons to irritate me. You would stand by my side when I'm angry, you'd try to talk to me or cheer me up. But then others won't because apparently I looked scary.. heehee. You would accompany when I'm alone and you would ask questions meaning you'd care for me. You helped me in training me in games and you listen to my anime crap talks and so on... Really, you're a very good friend. But then things change because you confessed. Seriously, I was pissed. You asked if we could be friends again and of course I don't mind. But apparently you do, I know it's hard because I got rejected before I know how it feels. But come on. You son of a.... You distance yourself and I understand, I let you, I didn't question you cause i thought u needed a break, a time off not being around me. It was Ok until everyone starts to bug me about it and the rumours did not help at all. And then you have your ULBS on THIS. Which make me even more pissed, but *sigh* you're not wrong. I know that. That's how you feel and that's how you express yourself. I'm glad that now, you'd still find me to hang out and chat even if it's just once in a lonnnnngggggg while. Thank you for always being my side that time.
Thursday 25 September 2014
Appreciation ~2~
PART 2~
To continue... hahahaha... I kind of got bored writing that so i stopped for quite a few days..
*scratches the back of my head* hahahaha... oopps..
Sooooooo~ Now it's Primary Schoolmates / Classmates.
I've made quite number of friends... but that doesn't mean they're all close friends.
I will write down who I can remember... and people that I'm grateful I've met.
But those names who I didn't write down doesn't mean I'm not grateful..
It's just that.. with my memory and special attitude..
I doubt I can remember much of you if you didn't mark yourself in my mind...
So.. I apologize if you treat me a great friend but i didn't even write u in here...
sometimes it's not that i don't wanna write ur name down...
it's cause i can't remember what u did for me.. I'm SO SORRY.
But I'm only writing down people who were close to me in here..
that sounded like super offensive but.. ok.. here goes...
First off, Y.K.M
Heehee... I bet you didn't expect that you're the first person I think abt. Pffftt... You crybaby.
Honestly, I don't even know how I kept up with you... but then again.. you've kept up with me.
So i guess it's pretty fair.. I used to be like really quiet and don't talk much abt myself. I'm distant and some might say I'm cool.. But most of all... everyone will think of nerd group when they see me.. so yea.. hahahaha... Well.. you're more of a nerd than I am. At least I'm sociable. I can't believe how many times I've save u from bullying,teasing,getting hit... If you don't remember, it's COUNTLESS TIME. I think you're one of the few that I stood up and scolded other people for you... =.= I remembered we signed a contract saying that you'll be Sushi's bodyguard forever, a.k.a , be my bodyguard. But then I'm the one who ended up protecting you... zzz I must say, even though you're quite annoying, it's always fun having you around. I still like your drawings. And I still kept the letters you always send to me last time.
Next~ F.T.V
Hahaahha.... The one that always accompany me. I got a feeling that you know I'm sad or something and you're following me around like you're afraid I might do something. Heehee... Was expecting to meet you at the student results reward thingy. Because I remember last time... we met each other and become friends. Then found out we study at the same primary school.. which is freaking cool. X3
And we did meet. We chat about random stuff and anime. hahahaha.. the one that got influenced by me.. I feel bad now... xD Thanks for keeping me accompany. You're very kind hearted. Hahahaha.. Not sure if you're still a good girl now though. xP
Next~ Sara O.Y.L
The girl who always gossip around me. xD hahahahaa.. But also the one that stand by my side.
You always introduce new English songs to me and make me listen to it. Because I'm always singing japanese songs. x)
You like to tease me a lot.. But you won't ever stand on anyone's side but mine. We always chat about random stuff and just keep on jump on the topic... I think I talked to you the most.. hahahahaha..
I'm glad I met you...
Next~ Sarah L.T.L
The first time I met you, you look so graceful. You learn ballet and you play the flute. You're like one of the pretty girls in our class.. I'm still not sure why you're in our group. xD Probably because I'm the only who can put up with your attitude. HAHAHAHA.. And that I'm good in english or something... Since our group are the only GIRLS that speak fluent English... others like to speak Chinese.. hahaha.. not that I mind though.. You're always rude and sarcastic and straight... But I like it. hahaha.. (Y) But you went overseas to study... and I told you to whatsapp me before you fly off so i can send u a pic of me giving u a flying kiss. But nooooooo. It's either u forgot or u dun wanna.. =3= *pouts* As evil as ever huh. xP
Then~ it's Alvin N.Z.X. Shit. I can't remember your behind name.. I can only remember in chinese. I'm sorry.. hahahhaa... omg.. my memoriessssss.. they're fadingggggg~~~~
The first male BEST friend I ever had. I like you a lot, platonic-ally. You've been helping me a lot more than you think. You're like a pillar support to me. I always finished my homework and rarely ever to get punish because of not doing my homework. But there's one time, I totally forgot about it. And the teacher made me to finish my homework outside of the class. Of course I'm scared and I don't know how to do it. I'd almost cried out myself. None of my friends help me. But you. You opened the classroom door quickly and fling your book to me and let me copy. And I heard you giving excuses to the teacher. I was really really touched. You have no idea how happy I was... I could give u a tight hug right now. It meant a lot to me. you even give me advise on love life... hahaha.. You're sweet and caring. BUT don't get cocky... I helped you too. You told me to move on because that guy doesn't look good and looks like a play boy kind of guy. And told me to look at someone else who likes me instead. But you still went to get his signature on my yearbook and his phone number... you're the best best best best.. But now, you don't seem like want to talk to me... =3= kind of hurts. But, don't sweat it... cause you're going overseas too. I hope we get to meet again.!
Then~ W.Z.X
You're always the quiet observant kind of guy. I never see you talked with any other girls so much before... But when we were seat-mates, if that even make sense, we talked A LOT... About games, about anime[s], about manga[s] and about studies. We got really really close. And I'm grateful to find someone that I can share so much with. But then, well... you kind of confessed, and I kind of liked someone else.. and sooo one thing leads to another... it became awkward around us. But I'm glad now... we still sometimes chat with each other. Even though it's not the same as before. Thank you.
Then~ O.J.C
The tall skinny basketball dude. You always like to tease me a lot. And we always got dared to hug each other. Rumors had it though. hahahaha... You would find time to chat with me. I really enjoy your company because it's exciting. I dunno why.. but yea... Hahahah.. Got quite a lot of things to say but it's too personal but yeapp. I'm glad I met you too.
Then~ S.C.H
You're the kind guy who puts up with me. You always help me unconditionally and sweet.
You never really tease me much but you're always there to help me out.
You literally sees me as a girl and I can feel that...
You treat me like what a knight would do for a princess.. And that is super sweet.
Thank you for always to be the one who help me out.
Thank you for treating me as gentle as you can.
Then~ N.X.L
Nyahahahaha... maybe I'm not that important in your life or maybe I did not mark a memorable memory into your mind. But you did for mine.
You're like the perfect girl everyone wants to be with. You were in different class with me.
But there's one year. Just one year.. We became really close to each other.
You always keep your calm and you're good in everything.
You're even closer to my grandfather compared to me.
But when you were in the same class as me, became my the friend that never left my side. He began to notice me. So I thank you for that. you know what to say. But I'm just, you know... I'm like a freaking tsundere.. -.- I just found out recently.. which kind of sucks.
I'm really happy that you choose to hang out with me instead of the popular gang.
Hahahaha.. cause come on.. you're freaking popular and all.
Then you invited our whole class to ur hse to celebrate your birthday.
Though I must say... I don't really like kept getting pushed into the pool by all the random guys. -.-
So i ended up just staying in the pool.
And when everyone went home... just left me...
You locked me and yourself in the bathroom and on the basin water so that your twin little sisters were unable to listen to our conversation. You wanted me to stay overnight. I want to.
But obviously I can't.. cause my mum said so.
Then a year passed... you went back to your own class... and we never talked.
Probably because our classes don't get along... Always argue and fight... and competitive..
But I'm glad you still hand me an invitation to your hse... but everyone in my class got so pissed.
hahahahaa.. and I'd probably be in ur way and alone if i go anyways...
But thank you. I like you a lot actually platonic- ally. But just sad case our friendship doesn't continue.
Lastly~
Girls : C.C.Y, C.L.H.M ( I"m not sure ur behind name either... gosh... but i remeber ur chinese name. ), L.Y.M., E.B.T.X. who always most of the time also got attend the gathering and have fun with each other and remember me.
Boys : C.T.M, O.J.C, Alvin, L.W.Y also attend most of the gatherings last time and making less awkward.
And those who still attend our gatherings... Thank you~ Cause meeting you guys back are awesome.
especially when we gossip.. hahahaha.. (Y)
I hope we can meet each other and have fun again.
Once again, not i don't appreciate the rest but these are the ones who were there for me and helping me out and being a sincere friend.
Even though we're not as close as we were, I'm glad I get to meet u guys.
To continue... hahahaha... I kind of got bored writing that so i stopped for quite a few days..
*scratches the back of my head* hahahaha... oopps..
Sooooooo~ Now it's Primary Schoolmates / Classmates.
I've made quite number of friends... but that doesn't mean they're all close friends.
I will write down who I can remember... and people that I'm grateful I've met.
But those names who I didn't write down doesn't mean I'm not grateful..
It's just that.. with my memory and special attitude..
I doubt I can remember much of you if you didn't mark yourself in my mind...
So.. I apologize if you treat me a great friend but i didn't even write u in here...
sometimes it's not that i don't wanna write ur name down...
it's cause i can't remember what u did for me.. I'm SO SORRY.
But I'm only writing down people who were close to me in here..
that sounded like super offensive but.. ok.. here goes...
First off, Y.K.M
Heehee... I bet you didn't expect that you're the first person I think abt. Pffftt... You crybaby.
Honestly, I don't even know how I kept up with you... but then again.. you've kept up with me.
So i guess it's pretty fair.. I used to be like really quiet and don't talk much abt myself. I'm distant and some might say I'm cool.. But most of all... everyone will think of nerd group when they see me.. so yea.. hahahaha... Well.. you're more of a nerd than I am. At least I'm sociable. I can't believe how many times I've save u from bullying,teasing,getting hit... If you don't remember, it's COUNTLESS TIME. I think you're one of the few that I stood up and scolded other people for you... =.= I remembered we signed a contract saying that you'll be Sushi's bodyguard forever, a.k.a , be my bodyguard. But then I'm the one who ended up protecting you... zzz I must say, even though you're quite annoying, it's always fun having you around. I still like your drawings. And I still kept the letters you always send to me last time.
Next~ F.T.V
And we did meet. We chat about random stuff and anime. hahahaha.. the one that got influenced by me.. I feel bad now... xD Thanks for keeping me accompany. You're very kind hearted. Hahahaha.. Not sure if you're still a good girl now though. xP
Next~ Sara O.Y.L
You always introduce new English songs to me and make me listen to it. Because I'm always singing japanese songs. x)
You like to tease me a lot.. But you won't ever stand on anyone's side but mine. We always chat about random stuff and just keep on jump on the topic... I think I talked to you the most.. hahahahaha..
I'm glad I met you...
Next~ Sarah L.T.L
Then~ it's Alvin N.Z.X. Shit. I can't remember your behind name.. I can only remember in chinese. I'm sorry.. hahahhaa... omg.. my memoriessssss.. they're fadingggggg~~~~
Then~ W.Z.X
Then~ O.J.C
Then~ S.C.H
You never really tease me much but you're always there to help me out.
You literally sees me as a girl and I can feel that...
You treat me like what a knight would do for a princess.. And that is super sweet.
Thank you for always to be the one who help me out.
Thank you for treating me as gentle as you can.
Then~ N.X.L
You're like the perfect girl everyone wants to be with. You were in different class with me.
But there's one year. Just one year.. We became really close to each other.
You always keep your calm and you're good in everything.
You're even closer to my grandfather compared to me.
But when you were in the same class as me, became my the friend that never left my side. He began to notice me. So I thank you for that. you know what to say. But I'm just, you know... I'm like a freaking tsundere.. -.- I just found out recently.. which kind of sucks.
I'm really happy that you choose to hang out with me instead of the popular gang.
Hahahaha.. cause come on.. you're freaking popular and all.
Then you invited our whole class to ur hse to celebrate your birthday.
Though I must say... I don't really like kept getting pushed into the pool by all the random guys. -.-
So i ended up just staying in the pool.
And when everyone went home... just left me...
You locked me and yourself in the bathroom and on the basin water so that your twin little sisters were unable to listen to our conversation. You wanted me to stay overnight. I want to.
But obviously I can't.. cause my mum said so.
Then a year passed... you went back to your own class... and we never talked.
Probably because our classes don't get along... Always argue and fight... and competitive..
But I'm glad you still hand me an invitation to your hse... but everyone in my class got so pissed.
hahahahaa.. and I'd probably be in ur way and alone if i go anyways...
But thank you. I like you a lot actually platonic- ally. But just sad case our friendship doesn't continue.
Lastly~
Girls : C.C.Y, C.L.H.M ( I"m not sure ur behind name either... gosh... but i remeber ur chinese name. ), L.Y.M., E.B.T.X. who always most of the time also got attend the gathering and have fun with each other and remember me.
Boys : C.T.M, O.J.C, Alvin, L.W.Y also attend most of the gatherings last time and making less awkward.
And those who still attend our gatherings... Thank you~ Cause meeting you guys back are awesome.
especially when we gossip.. hahahaha.. (Y)
I hope we can meet each other and have fun again.
Once again, not i don't appreciate the rest but these are the ones who were there for me and helping me out and being a sincere friend.
Even though we're not as close as we were, I'm glad I get to meet u guys.
Tuesday 16 September 2014
Appreciation ~1~
First off... I thought of writing appreciation stuff because... if someday I'd die or something... At least you guys know how I feel... This might be a sudden fling/thing/interest cause I'm bored and emo. xD
So might as well write this down...
I'm gonna start off from Kindergarten time.?
I'm not sure how old I was with those memories.. it's all mixed up...
cause I've been in many different kindergarten...
Okay... this is suppose to be an appreciation post... but just one for this I'm gonna complain about this girl... She wanted me to stay with her in the kindergarten longer that she pinched me HARD on my hand before I went onto the bus. I mean, walaoooo... do you really have to.? It's not like I control the bus.. I scared I miss the bus deihhh. But I'm glad she wanted me to stay so badly... Means that she wants to be friends with me badly.. I think.. I'm not sure.. I remember her pinching me and shouting some bad stuff. I didn't really bother that time.. cause it hurts and i want to get on to the bus. LOL.
Next~
To the boy who I always bully in class.. I'm sorry.. heehee.. it's just that you're annoying and u irritate me a lot and it's like u're trying to win my friends over... so since I'm young... i don't really hide my motives... so i end up keep on bullying u. HAHAHAHA... I'm sincerely sorry. I shouldn't have. But in my memory... you seemed like a M type... so maybe.. MAYBE I help u a little.? *self-slaps*
There's also a time I remember I made a bunch of friends that ride the same bus as me... it's girls.. i think.
Every time we sit the bus, we will pass by a small temple thingy at the road side.. I don't think it's called a temple.. A shelter .? I DUNNO.. the small small house/shelter/temple for the small god statue on the roadside.. I would put my hands together and pray.. and the girls sitting opposite would always say the same thing... " 干吗拜我们啦 " etc... even though I've explained so many times it's as a respect for the gods not them.
Then~
I found out later that, the boy I bullied.. was one of the four boys from behind my house. They were my neighbours. They live together... they're cousins and siblings.. i forgot their names.. But the younger ones always pronounce my name wrongly... they would go (in chinese) " SHUI LIN, SHUI LIN. 水琳 " I don't mind though... They actually help a lot... by constantly finding me and play with me. But sometimes it's really annoying cause they won't stop finding me and I'm unable to say no... plus, my mum seems to be really not liking it. But they've help me been through. Because I have brothers... which it's like not having any at the time... so them being there is like, I have lots of siblings. which is really warm. We would always play different games together... No wonder I'm such a tomboy... >.>'' We ran, we hide, we scout, we play. It's really fun... I hope someday I get to meet them and re-introduce myself and hope they can remember me too.. I wonder what they think of me... later they go " EH.?! YOU"RE A GIRL.?! " nahhh.. can't be.. I looked like a girl, I have long hair... they won't think that... right....? *nervous*
Lastly~
The kids at my nanny's house.
The 3 siblings, one boy two girls, as usual...
I cope with the boy easier than the girls... I'm closer to the boy. We played and chatted a lot.
There's the younger girl who bite my shoulder when I was giving her a piggy ride WHICH she request... I got so pissed I teared up.
But they're fun... but the appreciation part is more to the boy.. cause he was like a big brother...
The two girls... always want to fight stuff with me even when I'm the one who have it...
and they always want to compete with me to get nanny's attention...
Of course I seldom get scold cause honestly... I don't really bully girls. You want, I give. Except on certain terms...
I guess that's all the people I can remember in my memories.
So might as well write this down...
I'm gonna start off from Kindergarten time.?
I'm not sure how old I was with those memories.. it's all mixed up...
cause I've been in many different kindergarten...
Next~
To the boy who I always bully in class.. I'm sorry.. heehee.. it's just that you're annoying and u irritate me a lot and it's like u're trying to win my friends over... so since I'm young... i don't really hide my motives... so i end up keep on bullying u. HAHAHAHA... I'm sincerely sorry. I shouldn't have. But in my memory... you seemed like a M type... so maybe.. MAYBE I help u a little.? *self-slaps*
There's also a time I remember I made a bunch of friends that ride the same bus as me... it's girls.. i think.
Every time we sit the bus, we will pass by a small temple thingy at the road side.. I don't think it's called a temple.. A shelter .? I DUNNO.. the small small house/shelter/temple for the small god statue on the roadside.. I would put my hands together and pray.. and the girls sitting opposite would always say the same thing... " 干吗拜我们啦 " etc... even though I've explained so many times it's as a respect for the gods not them.
Then~
I found out later that, the boy I bullied.. was one of the four boys from behind my house. They were my neighbours. They live together... they're cousins and siblings.. i forgot their names.. But the younger ones always pronounce my name wrongly... they would go (in chinese) " SHUI LIN, SHUI LIN. 水琳 " I don't mind though... They actually help a lot... by constantly finding me and play with me. But sometimes it's really annoying cause they won't stop finding me and I'm unable to say no... plus, my mum seems to be really not liking it. But they've help me been through. Because I have brothers... which it's like not having any at the time... so them being there is like, I have lots of siblings. which is really warm. We would always play different games together... No wonder I'm such a tomboy... >.>'' We ran, we hide, we scout, we play. It's really fun... I hope someday I get to meet them and re-introduce myself and hope they can remember me too.. I wonder what they think of me... later they go " EH.?! YOU"RE A GIRL.?! " nahhh.. can't be.. I looked like a girl, I have long hair... they won't think that... right....? *nervous*
Lastly~
The kids at my nanny's house.
The 3 siblings, one boy two girls, as usual...
I cope with the boy easier than the girls... I'm closer to the boy. We played and chatted a lot.
There's the younger girl who bite my shoulder when I was giving her a piggy ride WHICH she request... I got so pissed I teared up.
But they're fun... but the appreciation part is more to the boy.. cause he was like a big brother...
The two girls... always want to fight stuff with me even when I'm the one who have it...
and they always want to compete with me to get nanny's attention...
Of course I seldom get scold cause honestly... I don't really bully girls. You want, I give. Except on certain terms...
I guess that's all the people I can remember in my memories.
Monday 15 September 2014
Expectations...?
I have no idea why nowadays all my titles have a question mark behind...
nyahahahaahhaa...
I think one of the reasons is I'm not sure if I wrote the title before or not.
And it's actually kind of hard to think of a title... xD
I also found out that putting anime pictures in looks better. x3
Not so dull and all... It keeps me on reading properly and not bored...
Yes, I sometimes read back what I wrote...
More likely scheme through or something... Not really reading the whole thing one by one though.
Cause it's very troublesome.
Okay... so back to the topic. Expectations.
Yesterday I went out with my mum so some place.
Actually, I was hesitating on accompanying my mum...
But then I thought might as well go... If I really find that it's hard for me to go back there.
Then I'll just not go next time. And just attend important dates.
Many people... a.k.a adults. Every time they saw me... They'll say.. " ohhh, you've grow so big already. Last time you're so small and young. " Then something that goes when they tell my mum about me , " 你的女儿，从以前就看起来很文静，很聪明。成绩一定很好。很温柔" etc...
Well... Truth to be said... I ain't nothing like that. Sorry to disappoint all of you. =.=
I'm quiet in front of you guys is cause most of the times I'd prefer listening then talking.
And sometimes I'll just give comments and replies in my mind. Kind of a bad habit.. i think.
My academic isn't really that good. Haiz. My average marks sucks till no end and all...
I'm not a softie. I'm kind of dark actually... I swear a lot in my mind.. Haha... =.=''
And I curse quite amount of stranger... in my mind..
I'd kill people countless time ruthlessly in my dream and mind too.
I even sacrifice people in order to stay safe and alive in my dream. And that moment of choice, I choose to pull people and block the damage... You can say that I can kind of semi control my dream... in desperate state or something near there.
Everyone kept telling me to study smart not study hard. But how the hell do you study smart. Isn't it the same thing.? You just study and understand the damn thing and do exercises. And if you don't know how to do those exercises, means you don't understand the concept well and thus study more.
I'm just an average girl. Not good in sports, not good in academics. Not good in social and not good in expressing. I'm only good at understanding but it doesn't really help cause once you understand too many stuff... you can't able to really decide and you can't see things the same way u used to see...
I kind of suck in everything... Somewhere along suckish and good. THUS, AVERAGE.
Just an average whose life is filled with dramatic stories and related stuff...
And my only way for escape is Anime and Manga.
Game not really... cause sometimes I accidentally set a role in my character... and I kind of role play... like acting... which is not really me. So yeaaaaa...
I dunno. It's like automatically, I'd act out. WTH.
And I hate to lie. Not hate but dislike.
I get all nervous lying. But by acting... it's like a natural thing.
I'm not sure if you guys understand the difference. hahahaha..
U don't hv to understand though.
Of course everyone wants to study hard and smart to be successful in the future. But what the hell.. I'm not smart... Just drown yourself in the number of books you have to read and already read.
Just that I'm sorry I don't meet your expectations nya.. I've tried, and now I'm tired.
See that face there.? Yeaaa.. I'm tired and bored in coping up. So when I got the mood to impress you again. I'll try harder~
Thank you very much for looking that high up of me. Your thoughts are sincerely taken into the depth of my heart. Just remember that my heart has a hole and your thoughts might just slipped away someday and I won't give a shit.. But then again, Thank you so much for your encourage~ I love all your compliments. But keep it sincere, since it won't be able to irritate me that much.
THANK YOU~ <3
nyahahahaahhaa...
I think one of the reasons is I'm not sure if I wrote the title before or not.
And it's actually kind of hard to think of a title... xD
I also found out that putting anime pictures in looks better. x3
Not so dull and all... It keeps me on reading properly and not bored...
Yes, I sometimes read back what I wrote...
More likely scheme through or something... Not really reading the whole thing one by one though.
Cause it's very troublesome.
Okay... so back to the topic. Expectations.
Yesterday I went out with my mum so some place.
Actually, I was hesitating on accompanying my mum...
But then I thought might as well go... If I really find that it's hard for me to go back there.
Then I'll just not go next time. And just attend important dates.
Many people... a.k.a adults. Every time they saw me... They'll say.. " ohhh, you've grow so big already. Last time you're so small and young. " Then something that goes when they tell my mum about me , " 你的女儿，从以前就看起来很文静，很聪明。成绩一定很好。很温柔" etc...
Well... Truth to be said... I ain't nothing like that. Sorry to disappoint all of you. =.=
I'm quiet in front of you guys is cause most of the times I'd prefer listening then talking.
And sometimes I'll just give comments and replies in my mind. Kind of a bad habit.. i think.
My academic isn't really that good. Haiz. My average marks sucks till no end and all...
I'm not a softie. I'm kind of dark actually... I swear a lot in my mind.. Haha... =.=''
And I curse quite amount of stranger... in my mind..
I'd kill people countless time ruthlessly in my dream and mind too.
I even sacrifice people in order to stay safe and alive in my dream. And that moment of choice, I choose to pull people and block the damage... You can say that I can kind of semi control my dream... in desperate state or something near there.
I'm just an average girl. Not good in sports, not good in academics. Not good in social and not good in expressing. I'm only good at understanding but it doesn't really help cause once you understand too many stuff... you can't able to really decide and you can't see things the same way u used to see...
I kind of suck in everything... Somewhere along suckish and good. THUS, AVERAGE.
Just an average whose life is filled with dramatic stories and related stuff...
And my only way for escape is Anime and Manga.
Game not really... cause sometimes I accidentally set a role in my character... and I kind of role play... like acting... which is not really me. So yeaaaaa...
I dunno. It's like automatically, I'd act out. WTH.
And I hate to lie. Not hate but dislike.
I get all nervous lying. But by acting... it's like a natural thing.
I'm not sure if you guys understand the difference. hahahaha..
U don't hv to understand though.
Just that I'm sorry I don't meet your expectations nya.. I've tried, and now I'm tired.
Thank you very much for looking that high up of me. Your thoughts are sincerely taken into the depth of my heart. Just remember that my heart has a hole and your thoughts might just slipped away someday and I won't give a shit.. But then again, Thank you so much for your encourage~ I love all your compliments. But keep it sincere, since it won't be able to irritate me that much.
THANK YOU~ <3
Sunday 14 September 2014
Funny that I'm the one who says this... " I'm lonely. "
I guess I kind of got too used to the feeling of not being alone... Now it's kinda taking me back to the start. Ahhh... what a pain in the ass...
I bet once you guys read this you'll feel all guilty or pity or sympathetic or something. Haizz.. Just saying. It's not you guys' fault. It's kind of mine... Long story. hahahaha... it's ok it's ok...
Well... I've finished my sem 2 exam and now having 3 weeks holiday... or more correctly, left 2 more weeks holiday... and waiting for results to be out.. which is also killing me from the inside.
I feel like I'm bothering people.. hahahaha.. the way I keep asking my close friends if they're free and so we can hang out... But my bad... They can't really go out as much as I can.
I could've ask other friends to hang out but.. I was being.. hahaha... how should i say.. selfish.? stubborn.? arrogant.? I thought that why should I hang out with other people if they're not them...
Wow... That's very bad of me.. hahahaha... that's really bad. But if they invite me out.. I'm ok with it... hahaha..
Okay.. aherm. So.. they can't really go out.. cause 2 are having big exams coming. another 2 are having lots of assignments.
And then, there's the time when they have to spent time with their partner, or family, or college friends etc... which I don't.. hahaha.. now i think abt it.. it's kind of sad if i say it like this... nyahahaha....
Most of my college friends stay around my college, duh, which is very far for me to hang out with them. And plus, my class only consist of 3 people... 2 of them are boys. And the ones I talked to everyday are boys. And the ones I want to hang out with, the girls, I'm not being really in their group. I mean.. i can understand.. cause if someone suddenly want to come in the group of mine, there will be more or less an awkward convo or how should i say... erm... " fang bei " or something like that.
I don't blame them though. Cause I understand. But that's the part. Even when I understand and I don't blame. Of course will still feel lonely. Ahahahaa... Unlike my friends who usually hang out with their college friends. Quite nice... To have a group outside that can meet daily.
Next... family.? I don't really spend my time with my family... obviously.. there's nth to spend about. hahahaha... so yeaaaa.. alone at home with comp or stuff I planned to do. Alone. nyaaaahaha...
Partner.? Well, like bf and gf. heehee.. or the status of somewhere being " ai mei ". So yeappp. I don't have. Not gonna have. Not gonna think abt it. Cause I'm tired and sick of it. No offence though. I hope you guys stay sweet with ur couples~ heehee.
Well... Last time being getting so close with u guys... living off being alone was kind of my specialty. But since then... being off alone now is kinda taking a toll on me. nyaaaaa... this is bad.
So no worries, I'll try to cope back to how I was before. Don't worry.
You guys really can't take the blame. So if you're blaming yourself, just stop. Because if i found out. I'll be like super irritated. But if you're not. I'm so proud of u. HAHAHA... cause I'm indirectly-kind-of-making-you-guys-feel-guilty. So yea... Just let me talk my rubbish and move on like you never read this. Seriously, chill. don't sweat abt it.
Now I'm kind of regretting writing this... What if you guys are being a whimp.. gosh. please. u guys are not whimp so pls don't be like that. It's really not ur fault. It's mine. I'm the one who's feeling stuff.. so yeaa.. Don't.
Just don't talk about this in front of me. xD I might just cry. Who knows.
I'm on an emotional train wreck now.
Should be since form 5 until now...
Which is bad. And now I'm wondering if i should see a therapist or psychologist or something.
urgh.
So yeap. I'm feeling lonely. I feel alone.
It's nothing surprising...
The thing is the things I do to prevent myself on feeling that.
HAHAHAHAHA... yeaaaa... things I do...
Okay then. CIAO~
Friday 12 September 2014
Stress.? or no.?
So... apparently... I don't know how stress feels like...
I give examples like : " Wow.. I'm stress.. " , " Tomorrow got exam, damn stress. " , " Tomorrow's result's coming out, I'm freaking stress. " etc....
But I don't know how stress feels like.
I know the meaning... But I don't know how it feels like to be stressed...
So finally today... I went to search stuff related to Stress and Depression...
Cause I seem to have a lot of emotional breakdown from last year and this year...
I have no idea why I will cry out hard alone... in the toilet.
I always asked myself why. Why do I cry. Then I felt lonely.
Which is funny because I have a few close friends who knew about stuff.
But I can't seem to open up to them anymore.
Or should I say I dunno how I'm suppose to tell them.
I tried, actually... quite a few times. Which ended up making it as a joke.
Smile to them, laugh with them... and then get on with life.
It always help to lift up the current mood.
But then the longer everything piles up...
The easier I seem to breakdown and cry.
I've finally decide to search about these because...
I never really consider I'm stress since I do not look like my friends... who are stressing out about their exam. Cause I am able to see that they're stress... And I did not act out like them.
I mean.. secretly yeah.. same reaction. But I didn't really share. There's nothing to share about. They're feeling the same thing. Why should I add on the feelings.
My mum doesn't seem to think I'm stressed or depressed. She just thinks that I'm moody.
My dad doesn't really cares. I don't think my brothers even know how old I am...
So yeaaaa..
I went to my Nanny's house.
She reads a lot of newspaper and so I thought of asking her what does it mean to constantly have dreams.
She says there's 3 reasons so far she knew.
1. Someone with a great six sense.
2. Someone who get to dream about their past life.
3. Someone who's under stress.
Today she met me and she told me twice I am stressed. Lol.
She said I was suddenly skinny. Then about the dream, I told her. She repeated again and said I'm stressed.
I told my mum a lot of times about having lots of dreams since dunno when.. I guess it didn't occur to her that I'm stress lol...
Can't blame her. I'm good in acting. I could probably win a prize or something.
But some times. My acting has flaws when I'm facing certain someone. My smiles will go fake. Even I can feel that my smiles went fake. So far... there's only 3 people that have the effect on me. It was my secondary Chinese language teacher, my college Chemistry lecturer and my nanny.
I feel so fake. But I guess acting out is like a natural thing for me. Been doing since God knows when. And also tired to be seeing Adults walking around smiling and talking... when all they're doing are plotting about something. When they're faking all the way. It's so tired to see all of those.
I'm kind of disgusted by myself. hahahaha... at being fake. Since when Aquarius act so fake. Aquarians are true to themselves, true to other people, straight forward and weird. I guess I lost my touch when life's being a bitch. I some times am a true Aquarians though. But not many people like it. But then again... why should I care what people think abt. Some times I don't, Some times I just do.
Aha... ran out of topic...
ok, so... came back home.
Was feeling lonely. Was feeling depressed. I have no idea why I'm using past tense cause I'm writing this right now and I'm still feeling the same thing. So... I lie on the bed. Don't feel like moving at all.
And felt very alone. Tears just drop.
Feeling sick and tired of tears just drop out of no reason. I wanted it to end once and for all.
I cried my heart out in the toilet. Again. I just let myself cry and cry and until no more tears can flow out.
Didn't feel any better. So... what the heck...
So here I am now... searching for stuff related to Stress and Depression and also along with Why do i dream a lot.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_signs.htm
This is the stuff related to Stress if anyone of you wants to know... Or like me... dunno what it's like to be stressed...
Stress Warning Signs and Symptoms there... all checks out. so it seems I'm stress and I don't know it. " You get used to it. It starts to feel familiar, even normal. You don't notice how much it's affecting you, even as it takes a heavy toll." is what it says...
But then again... many people will say they hv the same thing too but didn't turn out to be like me..well. how the hell should I know. And apparently, I'm having high level of stress according to the quiz.. but what the heck is that quiz. If someone just wants to be stress they can just choose all 4 points. pfft... the quiz is too easy.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm
That is for Depression information..
I don't think I have depression though... I mean.. I feel that everyone would be better off if I'm gone... But suicide is not really my thing. I don't suicide. I despise suicide.
But I kind of hurt myself.? IT WAS LAST TIME THING. Don't worry...
Now the most I'd do is punch something and not cut.. Cause that really hurts and I'm afraid my mum will find out. HAHAHAHA.. I wonder last time if she noticed it. I think she did. But she kept quiet about it. Yeap. That's how things work in my family. HAHAHA.. Don't worry. Won't kill myself. I'll only hurt myself. HAHA. But the rest kind of checks out. Cause it's almost the same damn thing as being stress... =-= what. so what's the difference.? Suicide.? Many people suicide cause of stress to you know... SO basically there's no difference.?
http://psychcentral.com/lib/9-common-questions-about-dreams-answered/0007820
This is about Dreams.. I find this very useful. (Y) Cause... I tend to have a lot of dreams. Weird dreams, sad dreams, scary dreams, not logic dreams... etc...
Many websites says that it's because it's a way of releasing stress. -.- lolx. wtf.
That's all I guess... That's all I can remember to type out anyways. Nights.
I give examples like : " Wow.. I'm stress.. " , " Tomorrow got exam, damn stress. " , " Tomorrow's result's coming out, I'm freaking stress. " etc....
But I don't know how stress feels like.
I know the meaning... But I don't know how it feels like to be stressed...
So finally today... I went to search stuff related to Stress and Depression...
Cause I seem to have a lot of emotional breakdown from last year and this year...
I have no idea why I will cry out hard alone... in the toilet.
I always asked myself why. Why do I cry. Then I felt lonely.
Which is funny because I have a few close friends who knew about stuff.
But I can't seem to open up to them anymore.
Or should I say I dunno how I'm suppose to tell them.
I tried, actually... quite a few times. Which ended up making it as a joke.
Smile to them, laugh with them... and then get on with life.
It always help to lift up the current mood.
But then the longer everything piles up...
The easier I seem to breakdown and cry.
I've finally decide to search about these because...
I never really consider I'm stress since I do not look like my friends... who are stressing out about their exam. Cause I am able to see that they're stress... And I did not act out like them.
I mean.. secretly yeah.. same reaction. But I didn't really share. There's nothing to share about. They're feeling the same thing. Why should I add on the feelings.
My mum doesn't seem to think I'm stressed or depressed. She just thinks that I'm moody.
My dad doesn't really cares. I don't think my brothers even know how old I am...
So yeaaaa..
I went to my Nanny's house.
She reads a lot of newspaper and so I thought of asking her what does it mean to constantly have dreams.
She says there's 3 reasons so far she knew.
1. Someone with a great six sense.
2. Someone who get to dream about their past life.
3. Someone who's under stress.
Today she met me and she told me twice I am stressed. Lol.
She said I was suddenly skinny. Then about the dream, I told her. She repeated again and said I'm stressed.
I told my mum a lot of times about having lots of dreams since dunno when.. I guess it didn't occur to her that I'm stress lol...
Can't blame her. I'm good in acting. I could probably win a prize or something.
But some times. My acting has flaws when I'm facing certain someone. My smiles will go fake. Even I can feel that my smiles went fake. So far... there's only 3 people that have the effect on me. It was my secondary Chinese language teacher, my college Chemistry lecturer and my nanny.
I feel so fake. But I guess acting out is like a natural thing for me. Been doing since God knows when. And also tired to be seeing Adults walking around smiling and talking... when all they're doing are plotting about something. When they're faking all the way. It's so tired to see all of those.
I'm kind of disgusted by myself. hahahaha... at being fake. Since when Aquarius act so fake. Aquarians are true to themselves, true to other people, straight forward and weird. I guess I lost my touch when life's being a bitch. I some times am a true Aquarians though. But not many people like it. But then again... why should I care what people think abt. Some times I don't, Some times I just do.
Aha... ran out of topic...
ok, so... came back home.
Was feeling lonely. Was feeling depressed. I have no idea why I'm using past tense cause I'm writing this right now and I'm still feeling the same thing. So... I lie on the bed. Don't feel like moving at all.
And felt very alone. Tears just drop.
Feeling sick and tired of tears just drop out of no reason. I wanted it to end once and for all.
I cried my heart out in the toilet. Again. I just let myself cry and cry and until no more tears can flow out.
Didn't feel any better. So... what the heck...
So here I am now... searching for stuff related to Stress and Depression and also along with Why do i dream a lot.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_signs.htm
This is the stuff related to Stress if anyone of you wants to know... Or like me... dunno what it's like to be stressed...
Stress Warning Signs and Symptoms there... all checks out. so it seems I'm stress and I don't know it. " You get used to it. It starts to feel familiar, even normal. You don't notice how much it's affecting you, even as it takes a heavy toll." is what it says...
But then again... many people will say they hv the same thing too but didn't turn out to be like me..well. how the hell should I know. And apparently, I'm having high level of stress according to the quiz.. but what the heck is that quiz. If someone just wants to be stress they can just choose all 4 points. pfft... the quiz is too easy.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm
That is for Depression information..
I don't think I have depression though... I mean.. I feel that everyone would be better off if I'm gone... But suicide is not really my thing. I don't suicide. I despise suicide.
But I kind of hurt myself.? IT WAS LAST TIME THING. Don't worry...
Now the most I'd do is punch something and not cut.. Cause that really hurts and I'm afraid my mum will find out. HAHAHAHA.. I wonder last time if she noticed it. I think she did. But she kept quiet about it. Yeap. That's how things work in my family. HAHAHA.. Don't worry. Won't kill myself. I'll only hurt myself. HAHA. But the rest kind of checks out. Cause it's almost the same damn thing as being stress... =-= what. so what's the difference.? Suicide.? Many people suicide cause of stress to you know... SO basically there's no difference.?
http://psychcentral.com/lib/9-common-questions-about-dreams-answered/0007820
This is about Dreams.. I find this very useful. (Y) Cause... I tend to have a lot of dreams. Weird dreams, sad dreams, scary dreams, not logic dreams... etc...
Many websites says that it's because it's a way of releasing stress. -.- lolx. wtf.
That's all I guess... That's all I can remember to type out anyways. Nights.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)