Funny that I'm the one who says this... " I'm lonely. "

I guess I kind of got too used to the feeling of not being alone... Now it's kinda taking me back to the start. Ahhh... what a pain in the ass...

I bet once you guys read this you'll feel all guilty or pity or sympathetic or something. Haizz.. Just saying. It's not you guys' fault. It's kind of mine... Long story. hahahaha... it's ok it's ok...

Well... I've finished my sem 2 exam and now having 3 weeks holiday... or more correctly, left 2 more weeks holiday... and waiting for results to be out.. which is also killing me from the inside.

I feel like I'm bothering people.. hahahaha.. the way I keep asking my close friends if they're free and so we can hang out... But my bad... They can't really go out as much as I can.

I could've ask other friends to hang out but.. I was being.. hahaha... how should i say.. selfish.? stubborn.? arrogant.? I thought that why should I hang out with other people if they're not them...

Wow... That's very bad of me.. hahahaha... that's really bad. But if they invite me out.. I'm ok with it... hahaha..

Okay.. aherm. So.. they can't really go out.. cause 2 are having big exams coming. another 2 are having lots of assignments.

And then, there's the time when they have to spent time with their partner, or family, or college friends etc... which I don't.. hahaha.. now i think abt it.. it's kind of sad if i say it like this... nyahahaha....

Most of my college friends stay around my college, duh, which is very far for me to hang out with them. And plus, my class only consist of 3 people... 2 of them are boys. And the ones I talked to everyday are boys. And the ones I want to hang out with, the girls, I'm not being really in their group. I mean.. i can understand.. cause if someone suddenly want to come in the group of mine, there will be more or less an awkward convo or how should i say... erm... " fang bei " or something like that.

I don't blame them though. Cause I understand. But that's the part. Even when I understand and I don't blame. Of course will still feel lonely. Ahahahaa... Unlike my friends who usually hang out with their college friends. Quite nice... To have a group outside that can meet daily.

Next... family.? I don't really spend my time with my family... obviously.. there's nth to spend about. hahahaha... so yeaaaa.. alone at home with comp or stuff I planned to do. Alone. nyaaaahaha...

Partner.? Well, like bf and gf. heehee.. or the status of somewhere being " ai mei ". So yeappp. I don't have. Not gonna have. Not gonna think abt it. Cause I'm tired and sick of it. No offence though. I hope you guys stay sweet with ur couples~ heehee.

I bet some of you kind of guessed how i felt but have no idea how u should deal with it in front of me. Actually it's okay. You don't really hv to do anything. Cause you really hv nothing to do about it.. hahahaha... no offence though.

Well... Last time being getting so close with u guys... living off being alone was kind of my specialty. But since then... being off alone now is kinda taking a toll on me. nyaaaaa... this is bad.

So no worries, I'll try to cope back to how I was before. Don't worry.

You guys really can't take the blame. So if you're blaming yourself, just stop. Because if i found out. I'll be like super irritated. But if you're not. I'm so proud of u. HAHAHA... cause I'm indirectly-kind-of-making-you-guys-feel-guilty. So yea... Just let me talk my rubbish and move on like you never read this. Seriously, chill. don't sweat abt it.

Now I'm kind of regretting writing this... What if you guys are being a whimp.. gosh. please. u guys are not whimp so pls don't be like that.  It's really not ur fault. It's mine. I'm the one who's feeling stuff.. so yeaa.. Don't.

It'll be fineeeeee... after some time....i hope.?
Just don't talk about this in front of me. xD I might just cry. Who knows.
I'm on an emotional train wreck now.
Should be since form 5 until now...
Which is bad. And now I'm wondering if i should see a therapist or psychologist or something.
urgh.

So yeap. I'm feeling lonely. I feel alone.
It's nothing surprising...
The thing is the things I do to prevent myself on feeling that.
HAHAHAHAHA... yeaaaa... things I do...

Okay then. CIAO~