Naive

So....

I finally finished my year-end exams...
So, I'm supposed to be happy and excited, but I seem to unable to do so.

 Usually...
My mum will send me off to tuition.
and also she will be the one to fetch me from tuition.
But sometimes my dad will fetch me when she went out with her friends.

She never missed sending me to tuition until that day.
It's suppose to be my dad sending me to tuition, but his car broke down because he went to fetch my big bro,
and there's no one home to send me out.
So I missed my tuition.

Today, she will be going out with her friends too.
So my dad will be sending me.
I hope the same thing doesn't happen.
Because... I hate the feeling of being put in 2nd place.

I know it's not right for me to feel this way.
I know I'm being naive and childish.
I know everything that adults thought we didn't know.
But I actually know...

So what if I'm being naive. So what if I'm being childish.
I've never show that to my family once.
I fought with my 2nd brother in the past, and now we're just strangers.
We do not talk, we do not greed. We do not do stuff together.

My big brother is nice. But it's really easy to understand his feelings.
He's annoyed when I used his computer and other stuff.

But because they are older than me, I understand they are taught to be more " toleransi " and "bertolak ansur"...
So slowly... I tried to distance myself to be the same level they are.
I felt that it isn't fair for them to do so much for me.
But it's no use right.? because they didn't know.

I never fight with my younger cousins.
Even when they pissed me off, annoyed me off, stealing my stuff away from me..
But I can only smile. Because I guess, both my brothers probably feels the same as me when I'm younger. So this, I'm doing my best to repay them.