Memories Of First Love

Wanted to find a place to view everything while listening to songs.

Wanted to understand the thought of people more.

Wanted to know the reasons behind all the sadness.

I want to know, who's faking in front of me, who's lying right in my face and who... that soon will betray.

I guess many people will face friendship and family betrays all the time. Still maybe I'm not as strong as those people.

Maybe I'm not as strong as you see me as. 

Back in standard 6, it's the last year of studying in primary school. My school from my house is very far away... So, in a way, I know that I won't be seeing my friends anymore. Maybe in a further future, but we'll never know what might happen then.

I've got someone I liked a lot for 3 years now. I remember how silly I was singing love songs pretending to be singing it to him. Yeah... How stupid am I... My best friend, for 6 years... We're always called a twin, because we got the same hairstyle, wear glasses, same height, same personality, same interest and also... ... ... same people that we liked.

At first, we felt it's very awesome that we liked the same person, so that we got another topic to share with. But as days went by, we're slowly being apart. One day, I was half hearted jokingly chatting with her trying to pull back our relationship, I asked : " Hey, so who do you think he'll like us better.? You or me.?   " I continued without hesitation, :" I bet it's you isn't it.? You're so charming, not like me, a tomboy." She gave me a smile and said, :" Well, why don't I go and ask him.?" I stopped, but I nodded. 

After a few days, I was curious about the answer. So I went to ask her about that person's reply. She innocently smiled and say :" Well, he said that he like us both.!" and she paused and became emotionless. She continued, :" But he said he likes me more." Looking far away, she said this to me. I believed her, because I never thought that he will like me anyway. But it still hurts. 

People would say it's just a puppy love, but then why... Is it that I'm still feeling sad... Before graduated, many people confessed to me. But I rejected them, because the one I like, wasn't them at all. I still wasn't brave enough to face him, so I confess through MSN. He's online, but when I sent the messange, he went offline. Few weeks passed, he did not reply. Once he's online again, I went to ask why did he not reply my message, he type:" Because I don't like you. That's why I did not reply you." That hurts so much. 

I cried... and cried... alone at night. None of my friends knew too. But before that, I've asked did my best friend ask you anything about you choosing us... He replied a confuse face said no. My best friend lied to me. 

I know I'm still young. I know it. I'm afraid to fall in love. I'm afraid that I will be hurt again, I also know that falling in love surely will be times where we get hurt. I know all that. I'm afraid of falling in love, but at the same time, I want to try to fall in love. 

I guess, Everyone would still say, You're too young. You should focus on your studies. Well... Okay then...

这就是  爱的代价。