Not that there's no more sadness around but, I kinda got lazy and all...
And I don't wanna feel the sadness piling up all over again just to write the blog for the dark side the story of my life.
But I guess I couldn't take it anymore.. Because here I am once again... Writing emo stuff here and whine and weep and complain about stuff.. seriously... This blog only exist for me to spam my interest that no one cares and most of all.. the stuff I couldn't say out loud. That explains my twitter name a lot actually... " Soulless Voice "
So, I got a one week holiday off... which was actually my study week.. lol.. But I went to Penang with pudding. 3 days 2 night. It was fun. But I don't write fun stuff here so.. let's skip to the emo part.
Surprisingly, one of the Fantastic 4 sent me a msg, saying " have fun on your trip " which was kind of sweet. He was like a brotherly figure to me. I call him gor sometimes in college. Before that, something happen and all and he replied " that's because I know you're a good sister. " You know, I was really touched. I really am. And I'm happy about it.
That and then.. I start to relate to stuff I shouldn't have relate... But pffft.. Brains. Can't control them really.
Because every time i will think that... why if i can get along well with boys and all. But I couldn't get along with my brothers, I've always wonder that. Why am I not getting along with them.
Being in the same house. Living together for so long. But I can know my friends well better than I know of my brothers.
I mean... Did you ever see any siblings that doesn't talk to each other.? Even for those who argue often. They at least know what's going on with their life. At least they talked to each other about random stuff. At least they hang out together.
Hahahaha... I can cry very easily... But I don't usually cry on the spot of what's happening in my life... But instead... I like to abuse myself mentally. ( fyi means watching sad movies or listens to sad songs ) Why.? Cause I need to find a reason for me to cry. I can't cry out when I'm facing hardship... but I'll only allow myself to cry... when the story isn't abt me but someone else. Unless I'm taking a trip down the memory lane~ It's more like a I'll cry for u... but it's actually an excuse... I'm finding a reason to let myself cry. Yeap.
Then again.. watching Brother Conflict is even worse. It's about the only sister in the family was adopted and all the boys fell in love with her. They all treat her very well. I mean when she's having exams, flowers given, breakfast bought, words of encouragement given and all. hahahaha.. and this lead to wanting my brothers to sing the ending for me... the chorus part " My Shisuaa mechakucha ni aishiteru ( My sister, I reckless love you ) "
Even though I really am grateful that my brothers give me monthly expenses but still, I'm a greedy person...I want more. I want their open care. I want their open love. I want them to treat me like a normal brother would to a sister. Why if they can treat little girls or boys... or babies well... why just can't they see me like that.?
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