HAHAHAHAHAHA. OK.
So it's literally been like a year.
Wooooooow, those days I was so hardworking in updating this blog. xD
Jeeezzzzzzz.... So depressing.
Whaiiii. HAHAHAHHAHAA
Ok,
Life's great, Friends' great.
Finished my degree, gonna start my master's program.
In summary~
Internship was fun but stress as well when you get scold by different lab assistants for most of the times because you're in unfamiliar ground. Then we went to temple to pray. HAHAHA
To be not that unlucky and it worked. Everything went smoothly, gawd bless. my goodness.
Was so tired of getting scold I might burst.
Final year project for my degree is a hugeeeeee big mistake.
Why did I choose that topic.
At first I thought it was such a coincidence, it might improve my knowledge on it.
TURNS OUT. I'm wrong cause no one knows shit about the experiment I'm trying to do.
And have to start out from scratch with no one to guide me or accompany me.
=( all aloneeeee. booooo.
Even went back during all my sem breaks and got nothing done.
What a year.
Love life is still as suckish as possible.
HAHAHA
the one i like don't like me, the one that likes me I don't like.
What comes around goes around. xD
WHAT A HUGE CIRCLE is that gonna be.
Got so freaking addicted in reading novels from phone that it's like a addictive poison.
I even stopped chasing after manga[s] and anime[s].
SO sad. because I want to, but it's like when i have free time i would choose reading my novel.
Manage to graduate successfully lol.
even though not first class. >.>
but yeah... the convocation is supposingly on Feb 2019, so yeah.
Starting masters next month and yeahhhh...
As always, hope everything goes well.
Peace out yo. xDD
Wednesday, 29 August 2018
Friday, 4 August 2017
Alive but dead inside
Hmmm~ It's been more than a year since I've updated this.
hahahahahhaa
And as usual... it just might be the depressing shit hole of mine.
A place where my dark side roams around I guess...
It's not that I haven't been updating means things have gotten better...
x'D But I think it's really the opposite.
I couldn't find time to even update in here.
Usually write stuff in the diary until slowly... I even gave up writing in the diary.
I was in a dilemma. hahahaha.
writing about all these... a part of me wants people to know, the other part I want to keep this all a secret. A secret no one should know. A secret for myself to keep.
A place where no one knows about me.
But I guess it'll be pretty lonely living like that.
Might as well find someone to accompany me. HAHAHAHAHA
WOOOTS
It has been a long ride.
Hahahaa. Ups and downs.... as per usual...
Same old same old. Have fun. Feel alone. Depressed. Cry. Enjoy life. Try to enjoy life. Advise myself to enjoy and let go. Depressed. Cry. Alone. Have fun. and the cycle repeats itself automatically.
I have no idea what I'm depressed about.
I have no idea why do i feel that way.
I just want to cry and everything just feels so empty inside.
Alive but dead inside, you know?
That feeling when you're content with everything, but somehow you just want to... let everything go you know? Give up.
It's busy for school.
It's busy for intern.
All those on-going and over.
What's wrong.
I don't know.
How are you?
I'm fine.
Are you ok?
I'm just tired.
Are you sure?
Sure (no I'm not)
Why don't you tell anyone?
(What's there a need to tell. i don't even know what's wrong)
Why do you keep keeping everything inside ?
(Who else should I keep turn to every time this happens)
Why don't you lean on me?
(Because I'm scared)
There's nothing to be afraid of.
(How do you know, what if i get hurt again, I wouldn't be able to take it)
You shouldn't be afraid to take a step forward.
(I once was fearless and took a step, but I ended up falling off a cliff)
Ahhh... I'm tired.
hahahahahhaa
And as usual... it just might be the depressing shit hole of mine.
A place where my dark side roams around I guess...
It's not that I haven't been updating means things have gotten better...
x'D But I think it's really the opposite.
I couldn't find time to even update in here.
Usually write stuff in the diary until slowly... I even gave up writing in the diary.
I was in a dilemma. hahahaha.
writing about all these... a part of me wants people to know, the other part I want to keep this all a secret. A secret no one should know. A secret for myself to keep.
A place where no one knows about me.
But I guess it'll be pretty lonely living like that.
Might as well find someone to accompany me. HAHAHAHAHA
WOOOTS
It has been a long ride.
Hahahaa. Ups and downs.... as per usual...
Same old same old. Have fun. Feel alone. Depressed. Cry. Enjoy life. Try to enjoy life. Advise myself to enjoy and let go. Depressed. Cry. Alone. Have fun. and the cycle repeats itself automatically.
I have no idea what I'm depressed about.
I have no idea why do i feel that way.
I just want to cry and everything just feels so empty inside.
Alive but dead inside, you know?
That feeling when you're content with everything, but somehow you just want to... let everything go you know? Give up.
It's busy for school.
It's busy for intern.
All those on-going and over.
What's wrong.
I don't know.
How are you?
I'm fine.
Are you ok?
I'm just tired.
Are you sure?
Sure (no I'm not)
Why don't you tell anyone?
(What's there a need to tell. i don't even know what's wrong)
Why do you keep keeping everything inside ?
(Who else should I keep turn to every time this happens)
Why don't you lean on me?
(Because I'm scared)
There's nothing to be afraid of.
(How do you know, what if i get hurt again, I wouldn't be able to take it)
You shouldn't be afraid to take a step forward.
(I once was fearless and took a step, but I ended up falling off a cliff)
Ahhh... I'm tired.
Saturday, 16 April 2016
Yuki
Yuki is my dog's name. My dad got her when I was around form 4 or form 5. That time, she was around 9 months old and already looks huge. She's black in colour and she's a timid dog.
She barks all the time and gets scared easily and always very playful.
She barks all the time and gets scared easily and always very playful.
Every time when it heavy rains or thunder happens, she would whine and look through the sliding door. I would go there, accompany her. I'd sit on the floor and I sang. I sang songs, random songs to her to let her know I'm there. Even though I couldn't do much, and I never did anything much to her. I sat and accompany her through the rain and thunder. Usually I'm always alone with her at home. So most of the time when it heavy rains along with thunder, my house will trip and I would sit with her. She needs my constant patting because she's a spoilt brat. When I stopped patting her, she would turn and look at me as if she's afraid I would leave.
She always got complaint by my 2nd brother and mother. Mum would sometimes tease her in a playful manner and other times she would scold her.
Every time Yuki saw mum near her, she would jump on her. I never understand it though, and mum will be flustered and shouting and screaming. But Yuki always stopped and rarely jumped on me, probably scared of me or something. She's more obedient towards me than my mum, though she's more obedient towards my dad than me.
There's one time, I decided to play with her. I went out, she saw me. I make a funny face towards her and asked if she wanna play. She went to grab a toy and place in front of both of us. I wanted to take it, but she quickly took it away and ran. Then I got it, I went chasing her around the place. Hahahaha. She's so playful, I kept teasing her and at last, I got tired and told her I'm going back in and then she lay down in front of the door.
I didn't really blame her for what she did to Kawaii, it wasn't her fault. However, I admit that at first I was angry at her but not anymore. I understand because it's not her fault.
I bought a comb for her. She doesn't have a comb and her fur is always dropping everywhere whenever I pat her. So I bought her a comb.
But then, she died after 1 week I bought that comb.
She was a timid dog, she's afraid of fireworks. And it's chinese new year week.
She died.
I'm still not sure if it's a good thing for her. Being in this family, it's complicated.
Then I dreamt of her. I dreamt of her running back home, through the gate and towards me. And there's black men trying to chase and capture her. She doesn't want to leave, she kept running away from them and brushing past me. But I couldn't move, I was stuck there.
I was overwhelmed. First it was " she came back " then it was " why are they chasing her " , " run away Yuki " , " why couldn't I move " , " why didn't I do anything "
And I woke up crying.
I should've known.
That morning before I left for college...
I went to look at her at the usual place...
But she's not there....
I couldn't call out her name that time...
Usually I do.
But I didn't...
I think because deep down I knew it'll happen one day...
I've always knew.
maybe one day, we'll meet again somewhere.
until then, rest well.
Wednesday, 10 February 2016
Tears
Wow.
Hahahaha. Honestly..
This blog is like a depression place of mine.
Okay.
So my friends all said I always bottle everything up until I couldn't anymore and that's why I break down every single time.
BUT, I feel sad like super easily.
For the random little stuff.
Or for no reasons at all.
I have nooooo idea how to describe that feeling but it has been always there.
I feel sad. I act like nothing happen. Done.
Semester 2 degree year 1.
It's like hell.
6 subjects, 5 subjects include labs experiments.
Which also means that report time~
And each week we have to hand them in.
So it's super tasking.
Class starts as early as 8am and as late as 6pm. by the time I'd reached home. it's super late.
It was so busy every day every second. It's like I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't do anything except to repeat doing them endless. Tutorials, assignments, reports, tests and finally Exam.
Exam period was like the super relax time we ever had in semester 2.
That's why.. I didn't have the mood to study at all.
Even when I force myself to read them.
I couldn't set my mood back to exam mode. I don't know why.
Maybe I was afraid of getting the panic attack like in semester 1, or maybe I was so sick of everything. I don't know.
I know my college's friends are worried about me.
But I couldn't open up.
I don't know why.
I just couldn't open up to them.
Then there's one paper which I totally screw up cause I have no idea how to do that piece of shit.
I knew I was gonna fail so bad.
Each friend tried to pm me, but i still couldn't tell them.
Like... what makes you think I'll tell you what's going on.
It's so complicated I don't even know where to start.
You don't know me, you don't understand me.
That's why I kept quiet.
I couldn't tell them, not then, not now.
After exam.. we had 3 weeks of holiday.
I cried few times during exam period which takes 2 weeks.
and in that 3 weeks of holiday.
I had a break down. A serious case of break down you could say.
Everything was hitting back on my face.
I was tired of pretending everything's okay.
I was tired to put up with things.
I was tired of people asking me questions I couldn't answer.
I was tired of smiling.
I locked myself in the bathroom, put on loud songs.
bend down and let the shower water pour onto me.
I cried and cried and cried. Bawling my eyes out.
I was literally feeling all the negative things.
I couldn't even describe how it felt like.
There's anxious, sadness, frustration, depressed, regret, sorrow, low self esteem, pissed.
I dunno. It just hurts. So I just cry hoping the feeling will end.
There's also this case with my close friend from my secondary school.
She was like the active younger sister I ever had.
But then things kinda drift apart.
Misunderstanding here and there. Inappropriate timing.
And I was tired. I was really really tired. And I just wanted everything to end.
I don't want to feel anymore.
She used to be the closest ring of friends I've ever made.
I never told anything to anyone other than them.
It hurts so damn much.
Each rejection, each time. The pain gets deeper even when you knew the answer.
I was so sad and so angry. But I have to stand in her shoes too.
She's busy. She doesn't have time for us anymore.
I don't have the right to be sad. Her closest friend wasn't me, it was R.
R should be feeling worse right now. But she couldn't because she was more towards angry.
What if her anger subsides... where does she place her sorrows to.
Things change. People change.
For the better or for the worse. It changes.
The whole world changes. So I shouldn't be surprise.
I just wonder... If I ever change... and if I'll like the change in me..
Or maybe I've already change without my own knowledge.
I was afraid. Another closest friend of mine is gonna overseas to study.
I was afraid he change too.
When he gets busy, different time zone...
So faraway.
What if he became like her... and drift away.
My closest friend are like a family to me.
Brother or sisters... I don't care, but they're my family.
I have no one else. My real family is broken apart.
That's why I depend on them.
They're my emotional and physical support.
What if... they ended up like my real family too.
Everyone drifting away.
Everyone too busy for each other.
What if they left.
What if I'm all alone again.
what if the people that I bare my soul to drift apart.
I'm already so broken...
if they leave me all alone again.
How do I bring myself back up.
I smile everyday, I laugh everyday.
But each time when I let myself to think.
It's only sadness and emptiness I feel.
If that time really comes...
I just hope I'm numb enough for it.
Hahahaha. Honestly..
This blog is like a depression place of mine.
Okay.
So my friends all said I always bottle everything up until I couldn't anymore and that's why I break down every single time.
BUT, I feel sad like super easily.
For the random little stuff.
Or for no reasons at all.
I have nooooo idea how to describe that feeling but it has been always there.
I feel sad. I act like nothing happen. Done.
Semester 2 degree year 1.
It's like hell.
6 subjects, 5 subjects include labs experiments.
Which also means that report time~
And each week we have to hand them in.
So it's super tasking.
Class starts as early as 8am and as late as 6pm. by the time I'd reached home. it's super late.
It was so busy every day every second. It's like I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't do anything except to repeat doing them endless. Tutorials, assignments, reports, tests and finally Exam.
Exam period was like the super relax time we ever had in semester 2.
That's why.. I didn't have the mood to study at all.
Even when I force myself to read them.
I couldn't set my mood back to exam mode. I don't know why.
Maybe I was afraid of getting the panic attack like in semester 1, or maybe I was so sick of everything. I don't know.
I know my college's friends are worried about me.
But I couldn't open up.
I don't know why.
I just couldn't open up to them.
Then there's one paper which I totally screw up cause I have no idea how to do that piece of shit.
I knew I was gonna fail so bad.
Each friend tried to pm me, but i still couldn't tell them.
Like... what makes you think I'll tell you what's going on.
It's so complicated I don't even know where to start.
You don't know me, you don't understand me.
That's why I kept quiet.
I couldn't tell them, not then, not now.
After exam.. we had 3 weeks of holiday.
I cried few times during exam period which takes 2 weeks.
and in that 3 weeks of holiday.
I had a break down. A serious case of break down you could say.
Everything was hitting back on my face.
I was tired of pretending everything's okay.
I was tired to put up with things.
I was tired of people asking me questions I couldn't answer.
I was tired of smiling.
I locked myself in the bathroom, put on loud songs.
bend down and let the shower water pour onto me.
I cried and cried and cried. Bawling my eyes out.
I was literally feeling all the negative things.
I couldn't even describe how it felt like.
There's anxious, sadness, frustration, depressed, regret, sorrow, low self esteem, pissed.
I dunno. It just hurts. So I just cry hoping the feeling will end.
There's also this case with my close friend from my secondary school.
She was like the active younger sister I ever had.
But then things kinda drift apart.
Misunderstanding here and there. Inappropriate timing.
And I was tired. I was really really tired. And I just wanted everything to end.
I don't want to feel anymore.
She used to be the closest ring of friends I've ever made.
I never told anything to anyone other than them.
It hurts so damn much.
Each rejection, each time. The pain gets deeper even when you knew the answer.
I was so sad and so angry. But I have to stand in her shoes too.
She's busy. She doesn't have time for us anymore.
I don't have the right to be sad. Her closest friend wasn't me, it was R.
R should be feeling worse right now. But she couldn't because she was more towards angry.
What if her anger subsides... where does she place her sorrows to.
Things change. People change.
For the better or for the worse. It changes.
The whole world changes. So I shouldn't be surprise.
I just wonder... If I ever change... and if I'll like the change in me..
Or maybe I've already change without my own knowledge.
I was afraid. Another closest friend of mine is gonna overseas to study.
I was afraid he change too.
When he gets busy, different time zone...
So faraway.
What if he became like her... and drift away.
My closest friend are like a family to me.
Brother or sisters... I don't care, but they're my family.
I have no one else. My real family is broken apart.
That's why I depend on them.
They're my emotional and physical support.
What if... they ended up like my real family too.
Everyone drifting away.
Everyone too busy for each other.
What if they left.
What if I'm all alone again.
what if the people that I bare my soul to drift apart.
I'm already so broken...
if they leave me all alone again.
How do I bring myself back up.
I smile everyday, I laugh everyday.
But each time when I let myself to think.
It's only sadness and emptiness I feel.
If that time really comes...
I just hope I'm numb enough for it.
Friday, 18 September 2015
Long time no see ( post )
Ahahahahaha.. Yo.
It's been a very long while since I've posted something.
Exactly 4 months now.. hahahaha.. right.
It's not that I don't have things to say or things to post.
But every time it just goes back to that circle.
Since this blog is here for me to express negative thoughts. xD
or overly obsessed interest in some stuff that I don't want to spam in other social media.
But yeaaaa.. It's been really busy.
First year degree, first semester and all.
And was having trouble in grasping some subjects.
And then there's this crazy amount of tests. Urgh.
I've got 6 subjects in total for this semester.
And each subject has like AT LEAST 2 tests, 1 midterm test and exam.
And don't forget those tutorials, assignments and reports.
Argh. Just ... yea.. typical college student's lifestyle.
But no worries, I'm having fun too.
Got bunch of crazy people to support me and be wild. xD
hahahaha.. and they called me weird and random when they are too.
Sure there are some times where I couldn't keep it in.
I tried writing them down in my phone's note.
As to so I'd remember to post in the blog.
But when I read it back, I realized it's stupid and decided to delete it.
It's always like that though.
I feel them, I think about them, I drowned in the feelings.
I express them in the form of writing.
And then after some time, I read them back and always find that I'm so stupid.
Yeapppp. Always feel stupid when I express my feelings out.
Of course I've wonder if I should ever stop expressing them if I'd feel stupid all the time.
But I realized, I rather feel stupid once in a while than bottle everything up and end up a break down again.
Yea, again. Did that, done that. And it was stupid. Hahahaha.
Yeap, even more stupid than reading back.
Cause it's like you did this to yourself and you couldn't hold it anymore so basically it's your own fault.
So first semester examination ended and having a cool and free holidays.
hahahaha.. drowning myself in anime world and manga dimension.
and chasing after movies and learning japanese bit by bit.
Everything is hard. hahahaaha. cause not as enthusiastic as I was during exam period and not as hardworking and coordinate.
So.. procrastination is like my priorities during holiday. Which is really bad.
But I'm not complaining now. xD Maybe when my second semester starts. I won't know.
So~
The house chores... once I got used to it. I stopped complaining once in a while and just accepted it.
Hahahaha. I really don't give a shit anymore. I'd just clean things up and help out my mum.
Cause that's what I am suppose to do. I shouldn't care what other people do.
It's my role. And I'm doing my role well. I shouldn't and won't judge other people's role.
So~~~ That's why I'd stop complaining abt the house chores and role as a female.
Because there are more things to worry about. =)
It's been a very long while since I've posted something.
Exactly 4 months now.. hahahaha.. right.
It's not that I don't have things to say or things to post.
But every time it just goes back to that circle.
Since this blog is here for me to express negative thoughts. xD
or overly obsessed interest in some stuff that I don't want to spam in other social media.
But yeaaaa.. It's been really busy.
First year degree, first semester and all.
And was having trouble in grasping some subjects.
And then there's this crazy amount of tests. Urgh.
I've got 6 subjects in total for this semester.
And each subject has like AT LEAST 2 tests, 1 midterm test and exam.
And don't forget those tutorials, assignments and reports.
Argh. Just ... yea.. typical college student's lifestyle.
But no worries, I'm having fun too.
Got bunch of crazy people to support me and be wild. xD
hahahaha.. and they called me weird and random when they are too.
Sure there are some times where I couldn't keep it in.
I tried writing them down in my phone's note.
As to so I'd remember to post in the blog.
But when I read it back, I realized it's stupid and decided to delete it.
It's always like that though.
I feel them, I think about them, I drowned in the feelings.
I express them in the form of writing.
And then after some time, I read them back and always find that I'm so stupid.
Yeapppp. Always feel stupid when I express my feelings out.
Of course I've wonder if I should ever stop expressing them if I'd feel stupid all the time.
But I realized, I rather feel stupid once in a while than bottle everything up and end up a break down again.
Yea, again. Did that, done that. And it was stupid. Hahahaha.
Yeap, even more stupid than reading back.
Cause it's like you did this to yourself and you couldn't hold it anymore so basically it's your own fault.
So first semester examination ended and having a cool and free holidays.
hahahaha.. drowning myself in anime world and manga dimension.
and chasing after movies and learning japanese bit by bit.
Everything is hard. hahahaaha. cause not as enthusiastic as I was during exam period and not as hardworking and coordinate.
So.. procrastination is like my priorities during holiday. Which is really bad.
But I'm not complaining now. xD Maybe when my second semester starts. I won't know.
So~
The house chores... once I got used to it. I stopped complaining once in a while and just accepted it.
Hahahaha. I really don't give a shit anymore. I'd just clean things up and help out my mum.
Cause that's what I am suppose to do. I shouldn't care what other people do.
It's my role. And I'm doing my role well. I shouldn't and won't judge other people's role.
So~~~ That's why I'd stop complaining abt the house chores and role as a female.
Because there are more things to worry about. =)
Thursday, 21 May 2015
Kawaii
Kawaii is the name of my rabbit I've gotten when I was still in form 5. It was still a baby rabbit, like around few months old. She's really cute and she gets scared really really easily.
Every time I carried her, she gets all jumpy that I'm so scared I'll drop her. She's so fluffy like a fur ball, SO CUTE. Every time she pees or shit, she'll do it on her food bowl. I have no idea whyyyyy. Her legs will squat on the edge of the bowl and do her business. Similar to how female humans do, she did it on four legs. hahahahahaa. It's always so cute and amusing catching her doing that.
But then, she died. Yea... Kawaii died.
And everyone started to make a joke out of her death. Just because she's killed by Yuki, my dog.
But I don't get why her death is so amusing that they are able to make a joke about it.
And every time they do, I have to fake a smile because that's what society wants you to be.
A perfect actress.
Kawaii died. Kawaii died. She died.
I don't know what's so funny. I cried and cried because she left.
Because Yuki killed her.
I was mad at her at first. But then I realized it's not her fault. She's an animal.
The fault is in me. I shouldn't have gotten Kawaii.
I shouldn't have gotten her then she wouldn't die.
I should have been more alert.
I indirectly killed Kawaii.
And every now and then they would still pull Kawaii's death as a joke.
And I couldn't do anything about it.
A little of me died inside. I don't even know if there's anything left in me anymore.
Gomen ne, Kawaii... Gomenasai.
Every time I carried her, she gets all jumpy that I'm so scared I'll drop her. She's so fluffy like a fur ball, SO CUTE. Every time she pees or shit, she'll do it on her food bowl. I have no idea whyyyyy. Her legs will squat on the edge of the bowl and do her business. Similar to how female humans do, she did it on four legs. hahahahahaa. It's always so cute and amusing catching her doing that.
But then, she died. Yea... Kawaii died.
And everyone started to make a joke out of her death. Just because she's killed by Yuki, my dog.
But I don't get why her death is so amusing that they are able to make a joke about it.
And every time they do, I have to fake a smile because that's what society wants you to be.
A perfect actress.
Kawaii died. Kawaii died. She died.
I don't know what's so funny. I cried and cried because she left.
Because Yuki killed her.
I was mad at her at first. But then I realized it's not her fault. She's an animal.
The fault is in me. I shouldn't have gotten Kawaii.
I shouldn't have gotten her then she wouldn't die.
I should have been more alert.
I indirectly killed Kawaii.
And every now and then they would still pull Kawaii's death as a joke.
And I couldn't do anything about it.
A little of me died inside. I don't even know if there's anything left in me anymore.
Gomen ne, Kawaii... Gomenasai.
I couldn't~
I couldn't exactly just cry in front of them and expect them to make everything feels right.
I couldn't just go upfront and say I'm sick of this living style and make everyone change.
Because that would be unfair to everyone of them. We did everything we could to be accustomed to it, to get used to this. What makes me that they should change?
I couldn't say I want them to stop being distant, because it's their love life and it's they way of living who I am to voice it out. It wouldn't be fair towards them to pretend for the sake of myself.
I couldn't ask them to look and me or even give me a pat on my head and say I'm glad to have you around. Because you can't force someone that doesn't feel that way to do it. Even though I'm glad to have you guys.
I couldn't break down now and complain every single thing because I've been through so far, why should I give up now.
I couldn't tell her to stop what's she doing because it's her happiness she's finding and I shouldn't interfere.
I couldn't tell him he's not doing anything to help because I don't know his thoughts and background.
I couldn't tell them I wanted to be closer to them just because I selfishly wanted to.
I'm selfish, I want things to be my way. I want things to go accordingly to the way I plan.
But I understand not everyone has it good like me. I know there are people with worse circumstances than me. I should appreciate what I have now.
Phew~ always better when everything is let out. Even though I still don't really know how to express through writing.
I couldn't just go upfront and say I'm sick of this living style and make everyone change.
Because that would be unfair to everyone of them. We did everything we could to be accustomed to it, to get used to this. What makes me that they should change?
I couldn't say I want them to stop being distant, because it's their love life and it's they way of living who I am to voice it out. It wouldn't be fair towards them to pretend for the sake of myself.
I couldn't ask them to look and me or even give me a pat on my head and say I'm glad to have you around. Because you can't force someone that doesn't feel that way to do it. Even though I'm glad to have you guys.
I couldn't break down now and complain every single thing because I've been through so far, why should I give up now.
I couldn't tell her to stop what's she doing because it's her happiness she's finding and I shouldn't interfere.
I couldn't tell him he's not doing anything to help because I don't know his thoughts and background.
I couldn't tell them I wanted to be closer to them just because I selfishly wanted to.
I'm selfish, I want things to be my way. I want things to go accordingly to the way I plan.
But I understand not everyone has it good like me. I know there are people with worse circumstances than me. I should appreciate what I have now.
Phew~ always better when everything is let out. Even though I still don't really know how to express through writing.
Ogenki desu ka? How are you?
There are many ways of people asking How Are You...
The first type.
1. People who doesn't really care and just ask for the sake of asking. If you say that you're fine, it's none of their business. If you say you're not, it's still really none of their business. They couldn't care less about you.
The second type.
2. -People that ask genuinely but they really don't want to know much about it and secretly hoping that you would just say you're fine and get over with it. You're too troublesome for them to be bothered. It's wasting their time.
-People that ask genuinely but felt relief if you said you're fine so that they can get along their lives without troublesome stuff. But if you're not fine, they'd listened. But only listen to ease your troubles and they'll forget about it soon.
The third type.
3. Friends that asked how are you but they were just waiting for you to say you're fine. With an aura saying stop wasting my time and give me an answer already. But you say you're not fine, they'd be concern but they slightly don't bother. However, they'd listen and might give you advice or calm you down. And they remember.
The fourth type.
4. Close friends that ask genuinely and with whatever your answer is towards the question, they'll believe it. Because they wouldn't know what to do and how to react even if they knew about the truth is that you're not. If you say you're not, they'd be by your side hoping to ease your pain.
The fifth type.
5. People who genuinely care and really asking how you are and able to see part of your facade. These types might pull people in easily due to their kindness. But honestly, it scares me away because I couldn't see through if you're really being truthful about it or your art of deceive is too professional for me to see it through.
So... How are you?
- side story -
I had a teacher from secondary that cares for all her students. She's always kind and soft. She's the first teacher that saw through " I'm fine ". It scares me that she can see through it. I felt uneasy whenever she starts to talk to me. I would always avoid talking to her alone or the subject being on me. There was once, she asked if I'm okay, I as usual said Yea. She looked me in the eye, frowned and asked again, are you sure? You don't look fine. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can talk to me. I almost cried, but of course I laugh it off and smile away and thanked her.
There was another time in the class, she was asking what we're afraid of. I told her. But no one heard me. Students, friends did not hear my answer, but she did and she was wayyyyy in front. When she heard what I was afraid of, she came walking towards me and I panicked. I couldn't think of something to slip that topic off. In the end, I made a joke out of it and thank gawd it slide.
Every time talking to her, I felt like crying. I have no idea why.
So I would always avoid her.
She's a great teacher though. It's just me.
Wednesday, 8 April 2015
Sometimes
Sometimes,
I would just suddenly sunk deep into my thoughts...
Most of the times, remembering the past and present and picturing the future.
Another times would be talking to myself in my mind.
Sometimes would be an imagination of a complete different world.
I don't know why I think so much...
Ok, maybe it's a habit since young...
I was trying to ignore the arguments I heard,
The scolding, the blaming...
That I started to wander my thoughts alone.
Thinking that everything will be fine as long as I don't see or hear it.
But that was not the case...
No matter how u try to ignore the fact,
Or try to escape and run to your own world...
You'd still have to face that reality.
You'd still have to come back from your own world.
Because being in your own world doesn't and never last long.
There will be always people that makes you face the reality and you have no place to run to.
Not your families, not your friends.
I believe in love, but it's only because I think of it like I believe in Miracles.
They happens only once a while and it's a rare chance to occur.
I don't believe love last long, but I want to keep the belief too.
I don't believe love can change people for good, because they change back to themselves or they remain ignorant. Since love fades eventually.
Friends drift apart too.
Like in primary school. We promised to keep contact always.
But they leave you behind and go on with their lives.
No matter who u meet, and where u meet them.
There will always be something like that to happen.
That's why I was distant...
But then I opened my heart out.
And I think I regret doing that.?
Because even if friendships stays, it won't be the same anymore. Since people change.
They'd find someone new to replace you.
They'd find someone more important to spend time with.
You're a past now, and they found someone new to be attach to.
Yea. Opening you heart isn't really a wise choice.
When you know what's gonna happen anyways.
It's even more dreadful when they know, but they won't know what to do.
Because everyone will think that they haven't change at all.
And it's even more painful when you have to smile despite everything else.
Because the only way for you to not lose yourself again, is to pretend everything is ok.
If I admit now that everything is a mess, everything is hurting me.
I'd be more broken than I am now.
Will I be able to stand from then onwards.?
or will I continue to sink in deeper.
How do you stand back up when you've given up all the hopes.
How do you live, when it's painful to breathe.
How do you sleep, if you're having better lives in your dreams than your life. even if it's a nightmare.
How do you apologize to the person who given u life, when you feel like ending them.
My smiles are breaking down. My tears are falling down.
It feels like it's too late to lock my heart once again.
It took years to build that lock but a moment to break it.
I want my heart locked again.
I want my smiles to be perfect again, so that they would leave me alone.
I want to be alone now.
where did my act went.
where did my lock disappear to.
where is my smile.
I would just suddenly sunk deep into my thoughts...
Most of the times, remembering the past and present and picturing the future.
Another times would be talking to myself in my mind.
Sometimes would be an imagination of a complete different world.
I don't know why I think so much...
Ok, maybe it's a habit since young...
I was trying to ignore the arguments I heard,
The scolding, the blaming...
That I started to wander my thoughts alone.
Thinking that everything will be fine as long as I don't see or hear it.
But that was not the case...
No matter how u try to ignore the fact,
Or try to escape and run to your own world...
You'd still have to face that reality.
You'd still have to come back from your own world.
Because being in your own world doesn't and never last long.
There will be always people that makes you face the reality and you have no place to run to.
Not your families, not your friends.
I believe in love, but it's only because I think of it like I believe in Miracles.
They happens only once a while and it's a rare chance to occur.
I don't believe love last long, but I want to keep the belief too.
I don't believe love can change people for good, because they change back to themselves or they remain ignorant. Since love fades eventually.
Friends drift apart too.
Like in primary school. We promised to keep contact always.
But they leave you behind and go on with their lives.
No matter who u meet, and where u meet them.
There will always be something like that to happen.
That's why I was distant...
But then I opened my heart out.
And I think I regret doing that.?
Because even if friendships stays, it won't be the same anymore. Since people change.
They'd find someone new to replace you.
They'd find someone more important to spend time with.
You're a past now, and they found someone new to be attach to.
Yea. Opening you heart isn't really a wise choice.
When you know what's gonna happen anyways.
It's even more dreadful when they know, but they won't know what to do.
Because everyone will think that they haven't change at all.
And it's even more painful when you have to smile despite everything else.
Because the only way for you to not lose yourself again, is to pretend everything is ok.
If I admit now that everything is a mess, everything is hurting me.
I'd be more broken than I am now.
Will I be able to stand from then onwards.?
or will I continue to sink in deeper.
How do you stand back up when you've given up all the hopes.
How do you live, when it's painful to breathe.
How do you sleep, if you're having better lives in your dreams than your life. even if it's a nightmare.
How do you apologize to the person who given u life, when you feel like ending them.
My smiles are breaking down. My tears are falling down.
It feels like it's too late to lock my heart once again.
It took years to build that lock but a moment to break it.
I want my heart locked again.
I want my smiles to be perfect again, so that they would leave me alone.
I want to be alone now.
where did my act went.
where did my lock disappear to.
where is my smile.
Friday, 3 April 2015
People who inspire me the most
There's two people in my life that inspired me since I'm young.
The first one is my nanny, the second would be my mum.
I remember once, I woke up in my nanny's room, it was still really early.
So I was droopy still, i walked out of the room and went downstairs.
I sat in the middle of the staircase. Saw my nanny, walking here and there.
Busy with all the housework.
It was then when it strike my mind, she's strong in her way.
She's hardworking, she's kind, she's lovely.
She's already old but she's still working her bones off.
I really admire her.
I love her cooking.
She's the first person who would actually come look for me when I'm down.
Even when she has a tough life, her eldest son is not a good person, her husband is a son of a ....., her mother in law bosses her around. Yet, she cared for them, give them home.
Her 2nd and youngest son and daughter helps her out. I'm close with them too. =)
I wonder if anyone told her that they're proud of her. Because I am. =D
My mum, same thing.
She stays strong.
Even though she might not be good in concerning still she cares.
She knows how to survive in society.
She taught me a lot of stuff.
Stuff I should and also stuff I shouldn't.
i think the closest person I am with and she is with would be us each other.
She would always be the driver around and she sometimes doesn't mind.
She appreciates her friends a lot, they would always go out now and then to catch up.
I hope mine is the same too.
A side story~
I got this very close primary school friend, she's a klutz.
She's girly, annoying, soft and easy bullied by other people.
But somehow we became best friends.
And I got short tempered.
I would always scold her when she messed up and she would just laugh it off.
I'm like a bodyguard to her.
I'd protect her when someone wants to bully her, pay back people who bullied her.
She's maybe the one that open the lock to my heart. But I never did open the door for her.
Still, I'm glad I get to be friends with her.
Even though she's very annoying.
hahahahaha...
The first one is my nanny, the second would be my mum.
I remember once, I woke up in my nanny's room, it was still really early.
So I was droopy still, i walked out of the room and went downstairs.
I sat in the middle of the staircase. Saw my nanny, walking here and there.
Busy with all the housework.
It was then when it strike my mind, she's strong in her way.
She's hardworking, she's kind, she's lovely.
She's already old but she's still working her bones off.
I really admire her.
I love her cooking.
She's the first person who would actually come look for me when I'm down.
Even when she has a tough life, her eldest son is not a good person, her husband is a son of a ....., her mother in law bosses her around. Yet, she cared for them, give them home.
Her 2nd and youngest son and daughter helps her out. I'm close with them too. =)
I wonder if anyone told her that they're proud of her. Because I am. =D
My mum, same thing.
She stays strong.
Even though she might not be good in concerning still she cares.
She knows how to survive in society.
She taught me a lot of stuff.
Stuff I should and also stuff I shouldn't.
i think the closest person I am with and she is with would be us each other.
She would always be the driver around and she sometimes doesn't mind.
She appreciates her friends a lot, they would always go out now and then to catch up.
I hope mine is the same too.
A side story~
I got this very close primary school friend, she's a klutz.
She's girly, annoying, soft and easy bullied by other people.
But somehow we became best friends.
And I got short tempered.
I would always scold her when she messed up and she would just laugh it off.
I'm like a bodyguard to her.
I'd protect her when someone wants to bully her, pay back people who bullied her.
She's maybe the one that open the lock to my heart. But I never did open the door for her.
Still, I'm glad I get to be friends with her.
Even though she's very annoying.
hahahahaha...
Friday, 23 January 2015
Complicated
I'm weird. hahahahaa...
I know my friends are all busy.
I know they don't only have me as friends in their life.
hmmm...
I know they need to take care of their studies.
I know they have responsibilities.
I know they may not have time anymore.
I know they're busy.
I know. OwO
But yea.. hahahahahha..
Guess that things won't always be the same.
Guess that people will still put others first instead of you.
Guess that you might not be that as important as it was before.
I know. O.O
Studies.
Exams.
Different group of gangs.
Assignments
You can't balance them if you don't know how to manage them.
I know. ^^
Money.
Transport.
Time.
Most important thing.
But they'll make time if they're willing to.
I know. =)
Parents permission.
Because it's mostly them.
I know and understand. =D
Different goals, different importance.
I know. =3
Just wanna say, I love you guys till the max <3
So it's ok. I believe one day, maybe, that I'll work my way up back to your number one spot.
YOSHHHHHHHHH.. don't feel down, don't feel sad.
They don't mean it. They love me too.
It's just busy right now.
I'll do anything to make it stay that way. Just hope that I'll stop breaking down. Lol.
Yoshhhhhh..
I know my friends are all busy.
I know they don't only have me as friends in their life.
hmmm...
I know they need to take care of their studies.
I know they have responsibilities.
I know they may not have time anymore.
I know they're busy.
I know. OwO
But yea.. hahahahahha..
Guess that things won't always be the same.
Guess that people will still put others first instead of you.
Guess that you might not be that as important as it was before.
I know. O.O
Studies.
Exams.
Different group of gangs.
Assignments
You can't balance them if you don't know how to manage them.
I know. ^^
Money.
Transport.
Time.
Most important thing.
But they'll make time if they're willing to.
I know. =)
Parents permission.
Because it's mostly them.
I know and understand. =D
Different goals, different importance.
I know. =3
Just wanna say, I love you guys till the max <3
So it's ok. I believe one day, maybe, that I'll work my way up back to your number one spot.
YOSHHHHHHHHH.. don't feel down, don't feel sad.
They don't mean it. They love me too.
It's just busy right now.
I'll do anything to make it stay that way. Just hope that I'll stop breaking down. Lol.
Yoshhhhhh..
Talking with Inner part 1
So...
xD I have this habit of debating with myself..
There's me, Inner ( who usually debates with me all the time ) and Dark Inner ( who sometimes just appear out of no where and curse someone )
Nope, it's not a split personality.
hahahaha.. then when I was studying for my exam.. I got super bored and thought of this scenes..
It's not that funny.. it's just made out of boredom. But i just feel like sharing.
xP
" Organic Chem.! why did you do this to my Memory.! " - Brain
" Brain is now crying because you ruin memory... " - Inner
" So now, we want to call upon a full on war towards Organic Chem to launch their hatred and REVENGE. " - Synapses
___________________________________________________________________________________
" Please Brain, go slap yourself. " - Inner
" What.?! How dare you, you insolent brat.! " - Brain
" I'm not a brat.! I'm Inner.! " - Inner
" And that, just proved my point. " - Brain
" Drop dead and die. All of you.. " - Dark Inner.
" D.I, go back to your rightful cage and stop coming out. " - Brain
" I take no orders from no one.! " - Dark Inner.
" Oh D.I ~~ Synapses are gonna cling onto you if you don't ~ " - Inner
" Tsk... Hn... "
" Yay~ Brain, We Did It~~ " - Inner
" Shut up, Brat. "
__________________________________________________________________________________" Can't... hold.. on any longer... " - Memory
" Memory, Stay Strong.!! " - Brain
" Brain... please tell Inner that... even till now, she's still annoying.. " - Memory
" HEY.! If you weren't about to die, I would soooo kick your ass. " - Inner
" Hn.. and burn his body, buried it deep down and torture him again. " - Dark Inner.
" Dark~~ you shouldn't be here... " - Inner
" Hmph.. "
" Memory, we will avenge for you.! " - Brain
" Brain, thank---- "
" NOOOOOOO, SYNAPSES.! WE CALL ON A FULL WAR WITH ORGANIC CHEM.! " -Brain
Dum dum dum dum dudududududududu~
the end.?
xD I have this habit of debating with myself..
There's me, Inner ( who usually debates with me all the time ) and Dark Inner ( who sometimes just appear out of no where and curse someone )
Nope, it's not a split personality.
hahahaha.. then when I was studying for my exam.. I got super bored and thought of this scenes..
It's not that funny.. it's just made out of boredom. But i just feel like sharing.
xP
" Organic Chem.! why did you do this to my Memory.! " - Brain
" Brain is now crying because you ruin memory... " - Inner
" So now, we want to call upon a full on war towards Organic Chem to launch their hatred and REVENGE. " - Synapses
___________________________________________________________________________________
" Please Brain, go slap yourself. " - Inner
" What.?! How dare you, you insolent brat.! " - Brain
" I'm not a brat.! I'm Inner.! " - Inner
" And that, just proved my point. " - Brain
" Drop dead and die. All of you.. " - Dark Inner.
" D.I, go back to your rightful cage and stop coming out. " - Brain
" I take no orders from no one.! " - Dark Inner.
" Oh D.I ~~ Synapses are gonna cling onto you if you don't ~ " - Inner
" Tsk... Hn... "
" Yay~ Brain, We Did It~~ " - Inner
" Shut up, Brat. "
__________________________________________________________________________________" Can't... hold.. on any longer... " - Memory
" Memory, Stay Strong.!! " - Brain
" Brain... please tell Inner that... even till now, she's still annoying.. " - Memory
" HEY.! If you weren't about to die, I would soooo kick your ass. " - Inner
" Hn.. and burn his body, buried it deep down and torture him again. " - Dark Inner.
" Dark~~ you shouldn't be here... " - Inner
" Hmph.. "
" Memory, we will avenge for you.! " - Brain
" Brain, thank---- "
" NOOOOOOO, SYNAPSES.! WE CALL ON A FULL WAR WITH ORGANIC CHEM.! " -Brain
Dum dum dum dum dudududududududu~
the end.?
Like-Love Relationships.
My mother... I'm seriously speechless with her..
In primary school when I told her I got a crush, she told me it's just a puppy love.
But it lasted for 3 years until I was rejected. >.>
In secondary, she kept hinting and telling me that only to date in College.
Secondary guys all still studying , you won't have fun etc...
all kinds of stuff.
Now in college, i told her i met a not bad looking guy..
she told me don't think much about it because when in degree got more guys...
haishh.. mum... =-=
so when I'm degree I'm guessing she'll ask me to wait until I'm working.. >.>
That's that... now next.
I think I kinda ... yeaaaa...
But I know it won't work out.
So I decide to end it.
TADAAAAAA.. sometimes I feel fine... sometimes I don't....
Not sure if it's really the feeling I think it is.
Or it's just some imaginary feelings.
That's all. Cause I really don't know if I'm... yea...
I think my mum suspects that I'm secretly dating.
Cause she became really interested in what I'm doing, where, who and so on... unlike last time.
Haish.. whatever la..
In primary school when I told her I got a crush, she told me it's just a puppy love.
But it lasted for 3 years until I was rejected. >.>
In secondary, she kept hinting and telling me that only to date in College.
Secondary guys all still studying , you won't have fun etc...
all kinds of stuff.
Now in college, i told her i met a not bad looking guy..
she told me don't think much about it because when in degree got more guys...
haishh.. mum... =-=
so when I'm degree I'm guessing she'll ask me to wait until I'm working.. >.>
That's that... now next.
I think I kinda ... yeaaaa...
But I know it won't work out.
So I decide to end it.
TADAAAAAA.. sometimes I feel fine... sometimes I don't....
Not sure if it's really the feeling I think it is.
Or it's just some imaginary feelings.
That's all. Cause I really don't know if I'm... yea...
I think my mum suspects that I'm secretly dating.
Cause she became really interested in what I'm doing, where, who and so on... unlike last time.
Haish.. whatever la..
Onii-chan [s]
Soooo... I don't really get along with my brothers since young...
But I only remember the times where my 2nd bro will play imaginary games with me...
Or I'll watch both my brothers to play games. I like watching them play..
But somehow when I'm in primary school.
Everything just change.
I looked back to the old photo[s] from the photo albums...
We look so happy, so content with each other..
Their arms around me, protecting me.
Their hands holding mine, making sure I won't be lost.
But somehow everything change...
I was in bad relationship with my 2nd brother, and he became really scary and doesn't talk a lot and his temper is bad.
I was never really that close with my big brother, but he always look friendly but it's always like a stranger politeness.
Until now..
It's better than last time... much better actually..
I'm selfish.
I wanted a relationship with my brothers like any normal people do.
Can't change that now I guess..
But at least I know they care right.?
At least now 2nd bro will talk to me once in a while, big bro too.
Big bro buys stuff for me too,
there's pencil case in primary school, box of pen from singapore in secondary sch and he just bought me a bracelet and necklace...
Now that's my brothers...
Maybe if they chg one day, I'll probably not used to it.?
It's ok.
Both my brothers are kind and caring in their own way.
Big bro, last time he would occasionally tease me so that I won't feel left out. He buy me gifts.
2nd bro, helped me out when our parents were arguing so that I won't feel so afraid. He gave me a souvenir this year..
I love them both <3
I'm still glad that they're my brothers even though we're not normal and close.
Love you gor gor[s] <3
But I only remember the times where my 2nd bro will play imaginary games with me...
Or I'll watch both my brothers to play games. I like watching them play..
But somehow when I'm in primary school.
Everything just change.
I looked back to the old photo[s] from the photo albums...
We look so happy, so content with each other..
Their arms around me, protecting me.
Their hands holding mine, making sure I won't be lost.
But somehow everything change...
I was in bad relationship with my 2nd brother, and he became really scary and doesn't talk a lot and his temper is bad.
I was never really that close with my big brother, but he always look friendly but it's always like a stranger politeness.
Until now..
It's better than last time... much better actually..
I'm selfish.
I wanted a relationship with my brothers like any normal people do.
Can't change that now I guess..
But at least I know they care right.?
At least now 2nd bro will talk to me once in a while, big bro too.
Big bro buys stuff for me too,
there's pencil case in primary school, box of pen from singapore in secondary sch and he just bought me a bracelet and necklace...
Now that's my brothers...
Maybe if they chg one day, I'll probably not used to it.?
It's ok.
Both my brothers are kind and caring in their own way.
Big bro, last time he would occasionally tease me so that I won't feel left out. He buy me gifts.
2nd bro, helped me out when our parents were arguing so that I won't feel so afraid. He gave me a souvenir this year..
I love them both <3
I'm still glad that they're my brothers even though we're not normal and close.
Love you gor gor[s] <3
Sunday, 14 December 2014
Reasons / Excuses
Actually there's more than one reason that I never drove after I passed my driving test. I just keep making myself believe that's what I've been thinking.
First of all, the advantages of being able to drive by yourself..
1, you can go anywhere you want.
2, you can fetch anyone you want without complaints.
3, it's very convenient.
4, you don't need permission.
5, don't hv to sit public transport.
But all those advantages... brings negative effects...
My family already has communication problems... I don't want to lose mine.
I still want to try to communicate with them, even when they don't give responds.
1, If i can go anywhere I want... I'm afraid one day, when I broke down and can't stand it anymore.. I would just drive to somewhere else... and that would make everyone worry, well, almost everyone. I'm afraid that one day, I would just leave them because I couldn't stand it anymore. I don't wanna leave them, but i know when one starts to lose their control, they do stuff without thinking, I don't want that. Thus, I was afraid.
2, I might fetch someone I'm not suppose to. No more excuses to not fetch anyone anymore.
3, Conveniet yea... no argument to that. LOL.
4, I might forget to get permission from my parents, or forget to let them know where I am. This is the communication thingy. My brothers never told my parents where they went, and I could see them worry sometimes and wanting to know but they never gave a direct answers. I don't want to be like that. But I might forget. I don't want that. To notice them where I'm going, when I'll be back. I want to inform them without them asking me when they're worried. I don't want them to worry abt me when they clearly have lots of things in their mind.
5, I might forget how to be civilize. Like being a good person. Showing ppl the correct way to the station. Letting old people to sit when there's no other places for them to sit down. To smile at strangers like giving a greetings. This world is already too dark, I somehow want to light it up. Even if it's useless, but at least I think I'm doing the right thing.
The reason I always used was my mum... hahahaha...
She doesn't allow me to drive alone and she doesn't want to sit beside me when I'm driving.
So she says I should ask my dad to sit beside me...
AND she doesn't allow me to drive in the dark, at night. PLUS, weekdays my dad is only at home AT NIGHT. So that left Saturday and Sunday... Sunday kinda out cause most of the time we have family gatherings. So that left Saturday, where I might go out with friends ( can't drive alone yet without parents so nope ) , or out with mum ( she doesn't want to sit beside me ), or I wanna watch my anime and read my manga.. ( me being lazy )
But most of all,
Not being able to drive is like a restriction I put on myself... something like a leash, I don't want myself to run away. Heehee... yeaaaa....
First of all, the advantages of being able to drive by yourself..
1, you can go anywhere you want.
2, you can fetch anyone you want without complaints.
3, it's very convenient.
4, you don't need permission.
5, don't hv to sit public transport.
But all those advantages... brings negative effects...
My family already has communication problems... I don't want to lose mine.
I still want to try to communicate with them, even when they don't give responds.
1, If i can go anywhere I want... I'm afraid one day, when I broke down and can't stand it anymore.. I would just drive to somewhere else... and that would make everyone worry, well, almost everyone. I'm afraid that one day, I would just leave them because I couldn't stand it anymore. I don't wanna leave them, but i know when one starts to lose their control, they do stuff without thinking, I don't want that. Thus, I was afraid.
2, I might fetch someone I'm not suppose to. No more excuses to not fetch anyone anymore.
3, Conveniet yea... no argument to that. LOL.
4, I might forget to get permission from my parents, or forget to let them know where I am. This is the communication thingy. My brothers never told my parents where they went, and I could see them worry sometimes and wanting to know but they never gave a direct answers. I don't want to be like that. But I might forget. I don't want that. To notice them where I'm going, when I'll be back. I want to inform them without them asking me when they're worried. I don't want them to worry abt me when they clearly have lots of things in their mind.
5, I might forget how to be civilize. Like being a good person. Showing ppl the correct way to the station. Letting old people to sit when there's no other places for them to sit down. To smile at strangers like giving a greetings. This world is already too dark, I somehow want to light it up. Even if it's useless, but at least I think I'm doing the right thing.
The reason I always used was my mum... hahahaha...
She doesn't allow me to drive alone and she doesn't want to sit beside me when I'm driving.
So she says I should ask my dad to sit beside me...
AND she doesn't allow me to drive in the dark, at night. PLUS, weekdays my dad is only at home AT NIGHT. So that left Saturday and Sunday... Sunday kinda out cause most of the time we have family gatherings. So that left Saturday, where I might go out with friends ( can't drive alone yet without parents so nope ) , or out with mum ( she doesn't want to sit beside me ), or I wanna watch my anime and read my manga.. ( me being lazy )
But most of all,
Not being able to drive is like a restriction I put on myself... something like a leash, I don't want myself to run away. Heehee... yeaaaa....
Don't judge a book by its cover
At first I was pissed at my mum for applying girls need to do chores
concept. I know we should always learn about it, still sometimes I'd
feel unfair but I understand... It still doesn't mean I wouldn't feel a
thing. But then you went and complimented me when I did them. And I was
like... "yay, she complimented me" not angry anymore.. haizz...
sometimes, my mum held lots of power over me.
People always think that I don't help around the house. And that my brothers are the helpful ones. Because when everyone's around, my parents treat me like a princess. They don't know I was the one that sweep the house. My mum doesn't really sweeps the floor unless she finds it dirty. The men in the hse don't give a shit. I helped to wash the dishes too, even when they're not mine. I always did help, what abt them.? no they didn't, but everyone looks at them with that eyes that sees them the perfect children that anyone could hv, and me.? an extra in the family. They only wash what is theirs that's it... at least better than not doing... i guess..
Then I iron my own school uniforms when my mum irons for both of my brothers until they graduated. And I iron my own school uniforms until I graduated. I hang my own clothes in my closet. When mum folds their clothes and brings them to their respective rooms. And when they needed clothes, they would search the piles on the sofa and leave, not bothering taking the rest of their own clothes with them.
I helped to take in and hang out the clothes when mum's not around, and even if everyone's at home, my mum only called me for help. I even went to help them wash their clothes when mum went to Korea AND I was having SPM.
It's really unfair that no one sees the work I've done but look at me like a little princess that doesn't do anything at home. And even when I told them, they don't even believe me. Well then, fug u too. They all think that my brothers are much more perfect than me until where sometimes I would even look down at myself.
I helped my mum every time after events in our home, what did everyone else do.? NOTHING. They just go back to their own room. But in the end... what did i get.. nothing. Why.? Because everyone judges a book by its cover.
And my mother... every time people said some offensive things or indicate that on my brothers.. she defends them.. but when it comes to me, she just let them say it...
I don't know whether to cry or not.
People always think that I don't help around the house. And that my brothers are the helpful ones. Because when everyone's around, my parents treat me like a princess. They don't know I was the one that sweep the house. My mum doesn't really sweeps the floor unless she finds it dirty. The men in the hse don't give a shit. I helped to wash the dishes too, even when they're not mine. I always did help, what abt them.? no they didn't, but everyone looks at them with that eyes that sees them the perfect children that anyone could hv, and me.? an extra in the family. They only wash what is theirs that's it... at least better than not doing... i guess..
Then I iron my own school uniforms when my mum irons for both of my brothers until they graduated. And I iron my own school uniforms until I graduated. I hang my own clothes in my closet. When mum folds their clothes and brings them to their respective rooms. And when they needed clothes, they would search the piles on the sofa and leave, not bothering taking the rest of their own clothes with them.
I helped to take in and hang out the clothes when mum's not around, and even if everyone's at home, my mum only called me for help. I even went to help them wash their clothes when mum went to Korea AND I was having SPM.
It's really unfair that no one sees the work I've done but look at me like a little princess that doesn't do anything at home. And even when I told them, they don't even believe me. Well then, fug u too. They all think that my brothers are much more perfect than me until where sometimes I would even look down at myself.
I helped my mum every time after events in our home, what did everyone else do.? NOTHING. They just go back to their own room. But in the end... what did i get.. nothing. Why.? Because everyone judges a book by its cover.
And my mother... every time people said some offensive things or indicate that on my brothers.. she defends them.. but when it comes to me, she just let them say it...
I don't know whether to cry or not.
Friday, 21 November 2014
Naruto's ending
Honestly... I still don't know if I'm happy with the ending or not... =.=
I've been reading Naruto manga since I'm in primary school. And I only watch a few episodes of Naruto anime in Animax and I've watched most of the OVA[s]...
Before I went on rambling how I feel... a small introduction of the main characters.
I've been reading Naruto manga since I'm in primary school. And I only watch a few episodes of Naruto anime in Animax and I've watched most of the OVA[s]...
Before I went on rambling how I feel... a small introduction of the main characters.
Uzumaki Naruto
Uchiha Sasuke
Haruno Sakura
I really like Team 7 a lot.. as in A LOT.
But somehow I kinda pity Sai that he got left out.
Okay, let's get down to business... I'm gonna start my rant here.
First of all, put all your stupid hates on Sakura for those haters out there and look closely in this whole manga... I mean, I have been shipping the pairings of SasuSaku but then slowly the more chapters it goes, the more episodes it goes, they show more and more of NaruSaku and don't even deny it, haters. Put away your hates and look closely PLEASE. Kishimosto showed so many NaruSaku. AND THEN, I started to accept NaruSaku pairings. Plus, when Kushina and Minato moment showed signs of NaruSaku, I gave up on SasuSaku and support NaruSaku. BUT WHAT THE HELL. In the end, it just went NaruHina and SasuSaku. No hates on Hinata, I like Hinata but Whaaaaaaat... There's more, a lot more scenes that indicates NaruSaku but it just POOF, BOOM, POWWW, NaruHina and SasuSaku. I seriously got blank and no idea if I should be happy or not.
Many said that Hinata deserves Naruto more than Sakura. But do you really think that the word deserves belongs in love life.? I don't think so, when we like someone, we chased after them, we don't really care who deserves who because in the end, love is all that matters. And for the character Naruto, he has been chasing after Sakura and his dream of being Hokage... and it just suddenly poooffff, no more Sakura. Isn't it like a super JUMP. =o=
And Sakura haters, I don't mind if u hate her for her being annoying or a fangirl or whatever. But I don't get why u would say she's useless.. SHE IS NOT. I mean come on, give the girl a break. She comes from a CIVILIAN family, no kekkai genkai, unlike Uzumaki ( lots of chakra ), Uchiha ( Sharingan ), Hyuuga ( Byakugan ), Aburame ( Insects ), Inuzuka ( Dogs ), Yamanaka ( Mind ), Nara ( Shadow ). Do I need to freaking list on.? SHE DOESN"T HAVE ANY BASE. She works from a zero, from a complete sketch.
Other than that, she's smart.! She answers her chunnin paper exam fast compare to other ninja. She realized there's a genjutsu placed on the stairway. Even when she's not that skilled in ninja fighting, she still protected her teammates. She set traps, she plans ahead. So what she needed help, Naruto and Sasuke needed help too, I don't see anyone calling them useless. During the VS tournament, she got par with Ino, the one that has a technique. If Sakura's useless, then what about Ino.? She has the mind technique but she still fails. ( I don't dislike Ino, so I'm sorry if this comes out in a wrong way )
Next, she fought with Akatsuki member too, Sasori. Yes, she had help from the grandma, but if she isn't smart enough to bring along the antidote that she made after SAVING Kankuro's life, even if the grandma's skill, they won't be able to win. Sakura learn from a scratch, Kakashi only taught her those simple basic ninja chakra control, while he taught Sasuke Chidori. Jiraiya went to taught Naruto, Sasuke went to Orochimaru, and Sakura learn under Tsunade.
The last few chapters where the final war begins... Kishimoto even made few characters to compliment on Sakura. BUT you guys are still being ignorant and STILL saying she's useless. URGHHH.. what is wrong with you guys. She gets the Byakugou in 3 years while Shizune isn't able to. So, is Shizune more useless than Sakura.? No. Then why do you say Sakura's useless... Hashirama even say that Sakura's level might be even more than Tsunade's, and a few said that she has the ability to surpass Tsunade. SO TELL ME, is Tsunade useless.?!
She even manages to find out that Zetsu acting as Neji is a fraud. She didn't need Naruto to help her find that out, she didn't need Byakugan to see who's friend or foe that time. Tsunade and Sakura technically healed everyone in that damn war and you still say she's useless. She even save Naruto's life for god's sake. I can go on and on... But really, ship whatever pairings you want, but why even bash on Sakura that she's useless urgghhhhhh... Hinata and Sakura are such good friends and the VS war between Hinata and Sakura is just.. urghhhhh.. whyyyyyyy.
I'm still disappointed in the pairings though... after all the NaruSaku momentsssssssssss and Sakura saving Naruto through CPR.. it didn't mean a thing... And after Karin saving Sasuke, Karin didn't appear anymore.. LOL..
they should just deflect from Konoha and make a new country. HAHAHAHAHA.. jk~
when people ask~
Friday, 14 November 2014
最懂我的人 （ 钟盛忠 & 钟晓玉 )
呃，没有试过用华语来表达这种情绪过。所以，有点怪怪的。好像不知是一点， 还真的是奇怪到不行了啦。打华语字好难，很辛苦，真的是。自己在自作自受。*泪崩*
这是自己想跟最懂我的人写的啦，虽然不知道他们会看没有。没关系！自己写，自己爽。这也是听了这首歌才打算想要献这首歌给他们啦。说说下还蛮不好意识， 哈哈哈哈哈。 白痴
哦我。
这首歌呢，不懂啦，总之就是给最懂我的你们。
没有人像你在我的心底, 留一个特别的角落给你
好天气 暴风雨, 不见不散的关心
我幸福 我怀疑,
都留下你的见证
就是没有想到遇见你们可以，关系可以变得这么亲密。因为啊，越亲密的关系呢，就会越在乎你们啊，所以有时候还是有些疏离。遇见你们的时候， 虽然不同的人我有不同的想法。但是，时间过了呢，就很想很想像我妈能和她的朋友一样。永远保持联络，得空都会出来聊聊天。真的很希望我们的友谊能长久。
最懂我的你，明天还是要继续
爱给了我们，雪亮的眼睛
最懂我的人，我也要好好珍惜
在多变的世界里， 只有真心是不变的距离
谢谢你们一路的陪伴哦。与你们在一起的回忆还真是棒死了。一起狡猾的日子，一起懒惰的时候，一起紧张，一起快乐，一起悲伤。嘻嘻，幼稚的行为都没停过噢，你们最棒了！谢谢啦~ 切记，别忘了我。不然我真是下地狱，上天堂都把你跟我找出来，赔一赔。赔什么？那当然是你的寿命。呵呵呵。切记哦~
好事情 坏心情，你是第一手消息
我坚强 我叹息，都有你温暖回应
谢谢你 给了我 比更多还更多
无可取代的意义
我知道你们都会一直在我身边。谢谢你们的关心，但是那些欺负人的话就不必了。哈哈哈哈，真的，我想念的不是它们。嗯。用华语真的超级难表达啦。
希望你 祝福你，一辈子手牵手要一直走下去
希望你们能找到你们的唯一，然后幸福地活下去。可是，不要重色轻友嘛。我最重要，听到吗，噢，不对，看到吗？！
最懂我的你，明天还是要继续
爱若是空气，我就能呼吸
最懂我的人，请你要好好珍惜
在多变的世界里
只有相信是不变的决定
只有真心是不变的距离
希望我们的友谊不会变，要变的话就该变得更加亲密。真的很幸运能遇见你们。
最懂我的你，明天还是要继续
最懂我的人，我也要好好珍惜
在多变的世界里， 只有真心是不变的距离
好事情 坏心情，你是第一手消息
我坚强 我叹息，都有你温暖回应
谢谢你 给了我 比更多还更多
无可取代的意义
我知道你们都会一直在我身边。谢谢你们的关心，但是那些欺负人的话就不必了。哈哈哈哈，真的，我想念的不是它们。嗯。用华语真的超级难表达啦。
希望你 祝福你，一辈子手牵手要一直走下去
希望你们能找到你们的唯一，然后幸福地活下去。可是，不要重色轻友嘛。我最重要，听到吗，噢，不对，看到吗？！
最懂我的人，请你要好好珍惜
Saturday, 27 September 2014
Appreciation ~5~
This would be the last one...
I'm kinda rushing this cause my college gonna start soon.
haish. troublesome...
So here it goes...
My mum,
Hahahaha.. It's funny how we understand each other and get to back each other up. It's like we understand each other's thoughts and know when to do what and not. And we always get to finish our sentences for each other and we think of the same thing at the same time.. We even speak out the same thing at the same time.. If I would to play Jinx game with you.. It's be like more than 5 times a day. xD
You don't know how to comfort me. Like wise, maybe that's why I dunno how to comfort other people too.. -.- Last time, when I cried in front of u, u never do anything or say anything and said that I'm a crybaby.. =.= So I guess the only time now I'd cry in front of u is when I'm watching sad movies or something.
You always appreciate your friends so much that I... well nvm.
Thank you for being like a friend to me. Even though you boom me occasionally even when it's not my fault. And even though u like to put blame on me and nag me so much when you don't do that to brothers. Thank you for teaching me LIFE. I love you~ hahaha.. thanks for everything. I love you a lot ya. xD sakaiii.
My nanny,
Thank you for taking care of me since I'm an infant. Thank you for your patience and love. Thank you for showing me how to keep on going and stay strong. Thanks for the first person ever to know that I'm not that strong as I look. Thanks for everything, mama. I love you a lot. I want to hug you so hard you won't forget about me ever. I'm glad I still get to visit you once in a while and when someone came by, you would proudly introduce me , saying in cantonese " this is the girl who i took care of when she's a baby and now she's studying college. " Thank you so much. I love your meal even if it's not much. I love you lots.
My brotherS,
thank you for giving me monthly expenses. 2nd bro, thank you for treating mummy and I meals. Big bro, thank you for even talking to me. I really miss the old times where you guys play games and I would watch besides you guys. And u guys would give comments and I'd replied happily.
My dad,
well... you're annoying and irritating. I've been meet someone who can annoyed this much. Thank you for taking care of me and giving us a shelter to live in. I know you manja me the most. I don't why you like to purposely irritate me and I'd just boom you. But I kinda pity you. hahahaha.. sad case for u little dude. since you not only irritates me but everyone as well. And probably got to do with ur arrogant attitude of yours. I sympathize you sometimes and I would be gentle to u. But nooooo, you would like to step over the boundary and pissed me off. But thank you for everything.
Nurul,
You're one screwed up friend I ever made. You're also the longest friends I ever made which we do not even go to the same school even once. I know you since I'm standard one and you're standard two. We got lots of funny, weird and random memories.. But I'm glad I get to know you. You're a good friend if I look closely enough. Thank you for being my friend.
My yiyi[s] and aunty :
Eldest yiyi,
Thank you for treating me meals and giving me new clothes. Many says that I looked like you and you're like a "kai ma" to me. Heehee....
Second yiyi,
Thank you for trying to chat up with me about random stuff even though it's awkward sometimes talking to you.. I don't know whyyyy.
Youngest yiyi,
HAHAHAHA.. you random yiyi. You're super fun to be around with. You should be grateful that I'm around when you're that super drunk. Cause I'm the only who's not panic and annoyed taking care of you. It's always fun when you're around. But some people may not like your attitude though. Heehee
Aunty, my mum's little bro's wife,
Thank you for your wonderful meals. Your cooking is awesome.. LIKE SUPER AWESOME. I don't think my friends will believe how much I eat when I was staying at your hse for one week. And thank you for that. Being a driver and giving me a temporary place to stay which is near my college. Heehee.. Thanks~
I'm kinda rushing this cause my college gonna start soon.
haish. troublesome...
So here it goes...
My mum,
Hahahaha.. It's funny how we understand each other and get to back each other up. It's like we understand each other's thoughts and know when to do what and not. And we always get to finish our sentences for each other and we think of the same thing at the same time.. We even speak out the same thing at the same time.. If I would to play Jinx game with you.. It's be like more than 5 times a day. xD
You don't know how to comfort me. Like wise, maybe that's why I dunno how to comfort other people too.. -.- Last time, when I cried in front of u, u never do anything or say anything and said that I'm a crybaby.. =.= So I guess the only time now I'd cry in front of u is when I'm watching sad movies or something.
You always appreciate your friends so much that I... well nvm.
Thank you for being like a friend to me. Even though you boom me occasionally even when it's not my fault. And even though u like to put blame on me and nag me so much when you don't do that to brothers. Thank you for teaching me LIFE. I love you~ hahaha.. thanks for everything. I love you a lot ya. xD sakaiii.
My nanny,
Thank you for taking care of me since I'm an infant. Thank you for your patience and love. Thank you for showing me how to keep on going and stay strong. Thanks for the first person ever to know that I'm not that strong as I look. Thanks for everything, mama. I love you a lot. I want to hug you so hard you won't forget about me ever. I'm glad I still get to visit you once in a while and when someone came by, you would proudly introduce me , saying in cantonese " this is the girl who i took care of when she's a baby and now she's studying college. " Thank you so much. I love your meal even if it's not much. I love you lots.
My brotherS,
thank you for giving me monthly expenses. 2nd bro, thank you for treating mummy and I meals. Big bro, thank you for even talking to me. I really miss the old times where you guys play games and I would watch besides you guys. And u guys would give comments and I'd replied happily.
My dad,
well... you're annoying and irritating. I've been meet someone who can annoyed this much. Thank you for taking care of me and giving us a shelter to live in. I know you manja me the most. I don't why you like to purposely irritate me and I'd just boom you. But I kinda pity you. hahahaha.. sad case for u little dude. since you not only irritates me but everyone as well. And probably got to do with ur arrogant attitude of yours. I sympathize you sometimes and I would be gentle to u. But nooooo, you would like to step over the boundary and pissed me off. But thank you for everything.
Nurul,
You're one screwed up friend I ever made. You're also the longest friends I ever made which we do not even go to the same school even once. I know you since I'm standard one and you're standard two. We got lots of funny, weird and random memories.. But I'm glad I get to know you. You're a good friend if I look closely enough. Thank you for being my friend.
My yiyi[s] and aunty :
Eldest yiyi,
Thank you for treating me meals and giving me new clothes. Many says that I looked like you and you're like a "kai ma" to me. Heehee....
Second yiyi,
Thank you for trying to chat up with me about random stuff even though it's awkward sometimes talking to you.. I don't know whyyyy.
Youngest yiyi,
HAHAHAHA.. you random yiyi. You're super fun to be around with. You should be grateful that I'm around when you're that super drunk. Cause I'm the only who's not panic and annoyed taking care of you. It's always fun when you're around. But some people may not like your attitude though. Heehee
Aunty, my mum's little bro's wife,
Thank you for your wonderful meals. Your cooking is awesome.. LIKE SUPER AWESOME. I don't think my friends will believe how much I eat when I was staying at your hse for one week. And thank you for that. Being a driver and giving me a temporary place to stay which is near my college. Heehee.. Thanks~
Friday, 26 September 2014
Appreciation ~4~
College time peeps...
First of all... of course my beloved classmates which consist of only 4 people in the begining...
But somehow became 3 people in the second semester...
We were once called " The Fantastic Four " then we became " The Legendary Sanin ".
My class rep, J.L.W.J... which decide to leave us to another college~
You're not a very gentlemen to me. But you're very fun to be around with.
It's always funny and exciting to be around you because you crack up jokes and stuff.
You're like the joker in our class... You're more like a little brother to me than an elder brother.
You're cheeky and naughty... haishhh and childish. hahahaha
But thank you for making it always fun and look forward to class.
My assistant class rep, C.S.M...
You're smart and kind. You have the patience of a... cloud.? I dunno. You don't get mad easily and you take care of everyone like they're a family to you. And you treat me like a little sister you never had and I'm very happy and touch about that. You would call me "little sis" now and then even and that's very thoughtful. You would say " yo, nii-san's here " to me and that's really really touching.
Thank you so much for taking care of us. You're the best.
My friend, E.M...
You seem like the quiet type of guy... But when you start talking about stuff you're interested in, you won't stop talking. And you're someone that isn't that mentally strong so I hope you get through it one day with a strong mind. It's awkward if I'm left being alone with you, I don't know why.. probably cause we don't talk much. You like to tease me -.- which is kinda annoying.. but then you'd treat me like a little sister... but the kind that find little sister is annoying.. =w=
Then~ the coursemates... we share classes together on some subjects.
Girls first ya,
Mariam,
Thank you in trying to break the awkwardness around me and the girls and tried to make me feel comfortable around you girls.Thanks for making conversation for me so that I have chance to voice out. Thank you for chatting with me. I admire how you're always helping out your friends despite what it is. Like a heroine. (Y) Heehee.
Y.C.C,
I'm not sure it's you or A.K.P.M, that the first question you girls ever asked me is " do you like yaoi.? " Hahahahaha.. You're very blur and slow. But I like it, cause it's super weird and funny and cute. It's interesting. It's fun chatting with you too especially when we're bullying Jay jay. xD U don't treat me like an outsider and always try to be honest. Thank you. =)
A.K.P.M,
Thank you for thinking about me every time you girls plan an outing or something.. and inviting me to join in your selfies... It's very thoughtful. Thank you~~ <3
T.Y.Y.,
First person that I met in class. And we found out that we want to study the same thing in degree.
Had a lot of fun chatting with you because you're very straight forward and a lot of stories to tell.
It makes it really easy to talk to you. Thanks.
M.W.Y,
I didn't really get to talk to u but I admire how u are in taekwando black belt. When I first found out, I was so shock and unable to believe it. Heehee... Sorry... You like to read novels too and your voice is cute. hahahaha...
C.Y.L.,
Went to karaoke with you before and found out that you like to dance a lot.
I admire how you're so determine in improving your English and work so hard.
I feel like a loser there. But at the moment, I felt proud too. No idea why.. but... thanks for doing that so that I won't be boastful about myself.
Guys' turn~
Jayson,
Wahahahahaa... thank you so much for chatting with me all the time about anime and games and stuff. It means a lot.. because not many ppl I can share about anime with. So it's a great pleasure in chatting with you about Japanese stuff. Thanks for helping me out too, I know you watch out for me. Hahahaha. Thanks.!
Winson,
Another anime friend~ x3 But too bad you left our college and went to another. Eishhh..
We chatted a lot and I found out about you and your stuff and your beliefs.
Thank you in believing in me and willing to talk to me about it.
It's also very fun when we combo attack in teasing Jayson. Hahahaha...
L.C.L,
Thank you for finding me and chat about your stuff... Even though it's not much.
But you take some of your time and chat with me about stuff. =D thank you~
F.Y,
thank you for being my driver... hahaha.. so that i don't have to sit in the trains like a sorpo. xD
Joshua,
thanks for willing to chat with me about random stuff and include me in your conversations. =)
T.Z.W,
Thanks for lending me your tutorial and teaching me stuff.. xD
First of all... of course my beloved classmates which consist of only 4 people in the begining...
But somehow became 3 people in the second semester...
We were once called " The Fantastic Four " then we became " The Legendary Sanin ".
My class rep, J.L.W.J... which decide to leave us to another college~
You're not a very gentlemen to me. But you're very fun to be around with.
It's always funny and exciting to be around you because you crack up jokes and stuff.
You're like the joker in our class... You're more like a little brother to me than an elder brother.
You're cheeky and naughty... haishhh and childish. hahahaha
But thank you for making it always fun and look forward to class.
My assistant class rep, C.S.M...
You're smart and kind. You have the patience of a... cloud.? I dunno. You don't get mad easily and you take care of everyone like they're a family to you. And you treat me like a little sister you never had and I'm very happy and touch about that. You would call me "little sis" now and then even and that's very thoughtful. You would say " yo, nii-san's here " to me and that's really really touching.
Thank you so much for taking care of us. You're the best.
My friend, E.M...
You seem like the quiet type of guy... But when you start talking about stuff you're interested in, you won't stop talking. And you're someone that isn't that mentally strong so I hope you get through it one day with a strong mind. It's awkward if I'm left being alone with you, I don't know why.. probably cause we don't talk much. You like to tease me -.- which is kinda annoying.. but then you'd treat me like a little sister... but the kind that find little sister is annoying.. =w=
Then~ the coursemates... we share classes together on some subjects.
Girls first ya,
Mariam,
Thank you in trying to break the awkwardness around me and the girls and tried to make me feel comfortable around you girls.Thanks for making conversation for me so that I have chance to voice out. Thank you for chatting with me. I admire how you're always helping out your friends despite what it is. Like a heroine. (Y) Heehee.
Y.C.C,
I'm not sure it's you or A.K.P.M, that the first question you girls ever asked me is " do you like yaoi.? " Hahahahaha.. You're very blur and slow. But I like it, cause it's super weird and funny and cute. It's interesting. It's fun chatting with you too especially when we're bullying Jay jay. xD U don't treat me like an outsider and always try to be honest. Thank you. =)
A.K.P.M,
Thank you for thinking about me every time you girls plan an outing or something.. and inviting me to join in your selfies... It's very thoughtful. Thank you~~ <3
T.Y.Y.,
First person that I met in class. And we found out that we want to study the same thing in degree.
Had a lot of fun chatting with you because you're very straight forward and a lot of stories to tell.
It makes it really easy to talk to you. Thanks.
M.W.Y,
I didn't really get to talk to u but I admire how u are in taekwando black belt. When I first found out, I was so shock and unable to believe it. Heehee... Sorry... You like to read novels too and your voice is cute. hahahaha...
C.Y.L.,
Went to karaoke with you before and found out that you like to dance a lot.
I admire how you're so determine in improving your English and work so hard.
I feel like a loser there. But at the moment, I felt proud too. No idea why.. but... thanks for doing that so that I won't be boastful about myself.
Guys' turn~
Jayson,
Wahahahahaa... thank you so much for chatting with me all the time about anime and games and stuff. It means a lot.. because not many ppl I can share about anime with. So it's a great pleasure in chatting with you about Japanese stuff. Thanks for helping me out too, I know you watch out for me. Hahahaha. Thanks.!
Winson,
Another anime friend~ x3 But too bad you left our college and went to another. Eishhh..
We chatted a lot and I found out about you and your stuff and your beliefs.
Thank you in believing in me and willing to talk to me about it.
It's also very fun when we combo attack in teasing Jayson. Hahahaha...
L.C.L,
Thank you for finding me and chat about your stuff... Even though it's not much.
But you take some of your time and chat with me about stuff. =D thank you~
F.Y,
thank you for being my driver... hahaha.. so that i don't have to sit in the trains like a sorpo. xD
Joshua,
thanks for willing to chat with me about random stuff and include me in your conversations. =)
T.Z.W,
Thanks for lending me your tutorial and teaching me stuff.. xD
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